Not pretty but pretentious
by crowEn
Summary: Sirius finds himself involved with a greasy haired demon form his past. Continuation of Coming clean  but can stand on its own. Time travel, crying, unlikely situations and a ridiculous attempt at writing something regrettable SB/SS SB/RL
1. Chapter 1

AN: Welcome back, my lovelies, and hello to people who don't know me already. This is another attempt at making a deplorable fanfiction, as I failed miserably last time and got only complements and internet hugs. So, more crying this time, more unusual situations that no sane person would put them self in and more puns if I can come up with them.

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Lupin slowly roused himself from the narrow double bed, untangling his cramped limbs from the man who slept over him like a heated blanket. A heavy, noisy heated blanket. "Move already, you great oaf." He pushed at the offending limbs fondly.

Without so much as opening an eye Sirius mumbled a half heard response along the lines of "I assure you my complete lack of movement is a result of being completely shagged out."

Rolling his eyes heavenward, Lupin knew he did not have time for any of his bedmates nonsense. He maneuvered carefully away from the fleshy restraints of Sirius' long arms, careful of where his hands went so as to prevent another occurrence like the night before.

Leaving Sirius to his drowsy protest, he looked at the clock and realized there would not be enough time for a proper shower before work. He dressed, ran his hands through his hair and quickly brushed his teeth. Peeking back into the shared bedroom for a goodbye he saw Sirius' lazy grey eyes peering out of the blankets at him.

"Get up, you big lump, its already half past nine." Remus walked over to the bed to retrieve one brown penny-loafer from where he saw it half hidden by the pants Sirius had worn the day before. He sat gingerly on the bed, tugging the shoe into place before scouring the room with his eyes for its mate.

Sirius still had not stirred from his cavern of blankets by the time Remus finished dressing. He sighed, smiling and pulled the blankets down. "I'm off. Do something useful today while I'm out… like find a job, or shave." He finished his suggestion off with a misplaced kiss on the scruffy underside of Sirius' jaw.

"But it gives a bit of texture." He murmured past a smiling yawn.

"And a bit of flavor." He bestowed one more kiss before righting himself. "I think you've got a bit of last night's stew still under there."

"You threw the first spoon."

"You can't prove that. Now I'm covering for Timothy today down at the Ministry, so I will be home late. Please try not to set fire to the house while I'm out." He gently smoothed the blankets over Sirius' chest, fingertips lingering on the firm curve of muscle beneath the soft cotton fabric.

Sirius grinned knowingly, but the grin faded as the soft hands left his chest to follow Remus out of their room. The distant sound of the floo being used let him know that there would be no shenanigans that morning. He rolled back over and promptly returned to sleep.

The day wore on and the sun, as it often did, found its way into the previously dim bedroom, touching Sirius' face with its hot caress. He begrudgingly pulled himself from bed, tossing the blankets aside and imaging himself to be a great leviathan, tossing the sea aside as it emerged from the dark depths. He kicked a pillow to the floor in an added effort of demolition. He made his way to the loo and was startled to see his own face blinking back at him over the sink. Lupin was right. It was time for a shave.

Finding himself finally down in the kitchen he mused at the thoughts of breakfast, but his rumbling stomach was put on hold at the sight of Lupin's carefully packed brown lunch bag sitting forgotten on the old worn table.

Money was not much of a problem, not with Lupin working every day and their very few living expenses, no rent, ect. But Sirius knew his mate well enough to know that despite the money they shared, Lupin would not take himself out to lunch. He wouldn't spend the money on such a luxury. It was one of the reasons that he insisted that he bring the pitiful little homemade meals each day. The thought of a hungry Lupin, rubbing his stomach and sighing softly brought a smile to Sirius' lips. Then he remembered what happened last time the werewolf forgot his lunch and returned home, hungry and cranky. He recalled with great clarity how cold and lonely the couch had been.

Scooping up the lunch bag and slipping on a pair of boots he jogged to the library, intending to use the floo to drop by the Ministry, be the best boyfriend in the world by bringing a lunch, and possibly snag a quick snog in Lupin's office before returning home for a nap. Without a doubt, it would be a marvelous day.

Despite his best, and purest intentions, the Ministry's workers were not pleased to see a man like Sirius wandering the halls looking for the illusive door that would read Remus Lupin. An intern far too young and giggly to know who Sirius was showed him where he needed to go. He left the blushing girl to stand out in the hall and let himself into Lupin's office without so much as a knock

Remus looked up , but had to repeat the gesture, blinking widely at the dark-haired man suddenly leaning on his desk with a mischievous grin.

"Merlin's pants- you're going to get me fired." He lamented in hushed tones, as if by keeping his volume down he might manage to retain his job.

Ignoring the less then welcoming welcome, Sirius held aloft the slightly crumpled brown bag. "You left something at home.

"I... oh." Remus offered a sheepish smile. "Thanks." He gently retrieved the bag and slipped it into a desk drawer.

"Thanks are better given physically than verbally."

Remus laughed. "Shove off, I've got work to do." Despite his protests he allowed Sirius one short kiss before pushing him away from his cluttered desk.

"But it's lunch time." Sirius would not be moved and only settled himself more firmly against the mahogany surface.

They looked at each other, both with a quit different intent in mind. Remus knew that he would lose; he always did against the glint in Sirius' eyes. "Fine. Let me go give these papers to Shelly and we can eat."

Sirius hated to see Remus go, but loved watching him leave. Let the illusive secretary Shelly have her papers. Lupin would come back soon and be all his.

A slow realization dawned on him that he had never been inside of Remus' office, as he had never been permitted to follow him to work it was not a surprising fact. Alone in a room that was brimming with mysterious object it was only expectable that Sirius would start rifling through the odds and ends crammed onto the shelves lining the walls. Mostly books were all he found, but the dusty old tomes held little interest. However, nestled between two darkly bound leather editions of 'Regrettable Remedies: a history of failed potions' was a bauble that caught his eye. He lifted the cold bit of metal and held it up to the light. A single crystalline gem, shaped like a teardrop was suspended between the wheels of a gyroscope. The whole thing fit comfortably in the palm of his hand as he twisted it this way and that, gently winding the inner rings around the colorless jewel.

Lupin chose to return at that time and sighed when he saw what Sirius was holding. "Put that back, you'll break it."

"What does it do?" He smiled at the strange way that it chilled his fingertips with a strange cold feeling that emanated from its depths.

"I don't know, it's broken." Lupin retrieved his lunch from the desk. "Want to share my sandwich?"

Sirius felt an inappropriate comment catch in his throat. "This thing is really cold."

"Put it down." Lupin pointed back up at the shelf, feeling for all the world like he was talking to a child.

Remembering his childhood, detentions spent in the Slytherin dungeon polishing frigid cauldrons during late wintery nights, Sirius smiled. Remembering a dare that he would catch many first years with, he chuckled to himself. Tentatively he raised the lazily truing gyroscope to his lips and flicked the edge of it with his tongue, wondering if it would stick to the icy surface. He had always been the one doing the daring, never once had he been dumb enough to lick one of the old brewing pots. But this was his second life, he meant to live it fully, even if it meant exploring the childhood idiocies that he neglected in his youth.

His tongue did stick, not on the ice, but caught between the rings he had been twirling. He tugged at the bit of metal, quickly turning away from Lupin before the man could make fun of him for his own stupidity. His stomach twisted uncomfortably and his head swam. It took only seconds for Sirius to strongly regret licking a magical object, even a broken one. Finally, his mouth was free if a bit sore. He turned, gripping the offending magical item in a fist, despite the biting cold, but Lupin was not there. Lupin's office was not there.

He knew what he was looking at, though he doubted his eyes. The halls were so familiar he could have walked them in his sleep. He had walked them in his sleep, but not for years. He ran to a thickly paned window and looked out at the snowy school yard illuminated by a full moon that hung heavy in the night sky. He shook himself, looking back at the hall in which he stood, looked closely at the worn stones and sleeping paintings. He was back in Hogwarts.

Two words came to his lips, the only two he could think of. "Bloody hell."


	2. Chapter 2

an: sorry for the double upload,my delicious beta tricked me by sending me the file twice.

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Cautiously, Sirius walked down the familiar hallway that he had not seen in years. The smells, the cold drafts, the quiet sounds of slumbering paintings, it was just as he remembered from his school days. Hastily shoving the magical doodad into one of his jean pockets, he pinched himself roughly on the arm. It hurt and he guessed that meant that he wasn't dreaming. It was supposed to in any case, but dreaming was the only reason he could think of for finding himself so very far from home… in the earliest months of spring. He hugged himself against the cold. His t-shirt had been pulled on in anticipation of the muggy August afternoon in London, not snow. He meandered back to a window, looking out at the starlit night.

The whomping willow filled most of his line of sight, the great old tree scraping the sky with its snow laden branches. Someone moved out in the night, their long shadow cutting like a knife into the porcelain hillside as they walked nearer to the tree.

Sirius knew the danger even if the lone student did not. Unknowing and uncaring who it might be that was walking towards a very painful situation, he turned and hurried to where he knew was the nearest doorway outside was. He would have to hurry to reach the child before they reached the tree.

He stopped short as he rounded a corner and saw the exit. Standing there in grinning rebellious glory, watching the lone figure making their way towards the willow, was a boy that Sirius knew as well as he knew himself. The crooked tie and un-tucked shirt tails hanging loosely from beneath his coal grey sweater. Even with the gently curving waves of black hair hiding his eyes, Sirius knew that they would be grey. He was looking at himself.

Sirius Black, a tired man in wrinkled, unseasonable clothes, watched his younger self, no older than sixteen grinning with mischievous malevolence out at the snowy hill at a dark haired figure that could only be one person.

His stomach dropped. He remembered this night (not the snow, he could not recall any snow that night, but ignoring that) he had thought about it almost every day of detention he had served for the whole of his next year of school. Young Sirius was watching Snape make his way to the whomping willow, to where Lupin hid within the shrieking shack. He recalled the look of disappointment on James' face when he found out what Sirius had done, the hurt on Lupins' face the next day. That night was the one time he went too far. Thinking only slightly about what he was doing he strode towards his younger self and grabbed him by his popped collar. Young Black looked up, stormy eyes wide and challenging at the strange adult that had caught him.

"Who the hell are you?" The youth demanded as he roughly pulled himself from the strong grip.

"Shut your mouth and get up to the dorms before McGonagal finds you out here and figures out what you are doing to Snivilous. "

His eyes widened more if it were possible. "Hell." He breathed the word before turning and jogging down the hall, glancing back only once to take a lingering look at the strange man that was definitively not a teacher.

Sirius the elder wasted no time in rushing outside, stumbling through the snow that clung wetly to his boots. Really, he didn't want to save the greasy haired git any more in his older age than he had wanted to in his youth. But if he could keep him from getting hurt, he would be able to save himself from a year's worth of detention. His younger self… honestly, he still had no idea what was going on, but if it were a dream he would take it his hands and bend it until it became what he wanted or until it broke. Either way.

"Snape, stop!" He called after the dark haired figure retreating towards the tree. But the boy did not stop and Sirius was at a loss as the tree groaned slightly as it adjusted under the weight of the snow. Acting on the first and only idea that sprang to mind, Sirius drew his wand from a back pocket of his jeans and pointed it at the billowing cloak that had almost reached the secret knot of the willow that would allow safe passage beyond.

"Petrificus totallus." He did not shout, he knew enough to know that just by saying something louder did not make it more effective. Without realizing that a spell had just been cast, Snape had no time to react, to turn and defend himself and thus he fell heavily into a snow bank, stiff as a board. Sirius jogged up carefully, very aware that the tree had not been placated and would still probably swing at them both in a matter of seconds. With speed that surprised himself he slammed his fist into the knot and looked down at the still boy laying in the snow. The hair was too short to be Snape's and Sirius could not recall the boy wearing glasses.

"Damn it James." He growled at the immobile boy at his feet. He had almost forgotten that James had been following behind Snape. Not sure how such a thing could have escaped his mind he was almost too caught up in his own strange memory lapse to remember why he had been running to the tree in the first place. "Snivilous."

The pathway was visible and almost dainty foot prints in the snow let him know that the boy he had been seeking had already descended as was possibly to the shack by now.

Sounds came to his ears, the sounds of Lupin's anguishing transformation, even before Sirius reached the shrieking shack. Franticly his eyes searched the wide open space, looking for a dark greasy spot on the landscape. And there he was, readying himself to peek through the secret opening. Sirius ran. If he could stop Snape, then the boy would never know how close to being mauled or killed he truly was and then there would be no proof that his younger self had almost killed the boy. Tackling him from behind, Sirius sent them both bouncing off the trap door and tumbling to the ground before Snape had a chance to open it and discover what was making such horrible noises. Not one for wasting time, Sirius simply scooped Snape into his arms, somewhat surprised by the boy's lack of protests at being man handled and ran as quickly as his legs could take him back to the willow.

Gasping for breath he set Snape down on an embankment so that he could catch his breath. It was not that Snape had been heavy, on the contrary he was shockingly light, but all that running took a bit out of Sirius who was quite unused to sprinting. Snape did not stand where Sirius set him, instead he crumpled to the ground, sending up moist splatters of snow. Snape lay, facedown, bleeding darkly into the snow around his head. The boy did not stir.

Sirius stared dumbly at the boy for many more moments than was truly wise before lifting him back into this arms and making a mad dash to the infirmary on the other side of campus. If his younger self had been sent to detention for a whole year just for playing a harmless joke on Snape, there was no telling what might happen to the mischievous boy if his enemy accidently died. Saving his younger self from detention became a much smaller concern very quickly.

It was only when Sirius reached the infirmary that he realized that he should not be in the school and if Madam Pomphry saw him she would undoubtedly find someone to fetch him and remove him from the school. The fact that he had no idea how he had gotten to Hogwarts, or why he was there added to the fact that the snow that had found its way into his boots was numbing his toes, he had no desire to be kicked out. Carefully laying Snape on the floor, Sirius shifted down into a warmer less suspicious, four-footed form and began to make a low warbling how sound that he hoped would rouse the old nurse but not a slew of teachers and students.

Pomphry emerged warily, taking in the large black dog and the bleeding, unconscious student all in one sweep of her gaze. Despite her small stature and advancing years she moved Snape to a bed with ease and immediately set to work stopping the blood flow that slickened the boy's hair to his forehead.

Sirius was at a loss as to what he should do. Wondering the halls could only lead to trouble, especially if one of the marauders found him, and leaving the grounds could have equally hazardous results since he was still unsure if he was dreaming or if something far more sinister was happening to him. Slinking beneath the bed that Snape slept in, he rested his head on his paws, trying to figure out what to do next.


	3. Chapter 3

Sirius awoke to slender fingers lightly brushing over his nose. Yawning lazily he licked at the probing digits assuming that they were Lupin's. The disgusted snort he received in response was far from Lupin's normal noises. He opened his eyes, looking down his long fuzzy muzzle at the underside of a bed. He slowly crawled out and sniffed the air. Still groggy from sleep he blinked up at the un-amused, scowling face of a pale, bedraggled Snape.

"There he is." Pomphry patted Sirius gently between the ears. "Must be one of Hagrid's pets. Don't know how he brought you here, but if he hadn't you might have died."

"How horrible that would have been." Snape sneered at the dog whose head was larger than his.

Sirius lightly bore his teeth and felt satisfied at how the boy recoiled ever so slightly. If Pomphry noticed the slight animosity she said nothing.

"Now, Severus, I am going to be gone for just a moment… checking on something. Will you be alright on your own?"

"I think I can manage." He pulled his thin arms beneath his blanket, keeping an eye on the large dog beside him. "It was just a bump on the head."

"You know what I mean, I don't want a reoccurrence of last week." She eyed the boy with a knowing suspicion.

Snape made no response other than rolling his dark eyes up at the ceiling as if putting up with her worries were almost beyond his ability.

The old nurse left with another gentle pat on Sirius as if to say he should keep an eye on the boy. Sirius wasted no time in hoping up onto one of the many unoccupied beds and sprawling out. It was not the most comfortable place to lay, but much more so than the floor. His gaze drifted to Snape, and the boy looked much as he remembered him to, painfully skinny with a disproportionate nose and dark, unfeeling eyes almost hidden in a spill of lanky hair. The only real difference was the large white bandage wrapped tightly over his forehead, pulling a bit of his oily hair away from his face.

Snape was watching the dog as closely as the dog watched him. "Stupid dog, you ruined everything." He pulled himself up from the bed and by the way he wobbled on his feet, Sirius did not think he should be up. The slender boy staggered over the floor to Pomphry's desk, riffling through any drawers that were not locked. "Damn that old bird." He growled under his breath and slammed a drawer that had apparently offended him.

Sirius didn't think he had ever heard Snape swear, even just a little. It was strange to see him not skulking in a corner and actually walking like a normal person, without his shoulders hunched forward.

"She thinks I don't know what happened, but I do." He pointed one accusing finger at Sirius who still laid many beds away. "I'm supposed to be dead. Then that damned Potter and Black would be arrested. Everyone would know it was their fault I died and then," he held up a shiny bit of something in his hand, victory sharpening his angular features, "I would win." He shuffled back to his bead, leaning slightly on the metal frame for support. "Stupid Potter. " He sat heavily on the bed and Sirius could see what he held. A small knife, probably meant for cutting herbs or such was clutched in one of the long pale hands.

Sirius could feel the fur on his neck bristle slightly. He did not know what Snape's plan for the petite blade was, but he did not like the direction that they were headed. The knowledge that Snape had gone to the Shack, hoping to die and blame him, the younger him, sat even less well than the knife. Sirius stayed on his bed, but settled his legs more firmly beneath him just in case he had to suddenly leap away and watched as Snape carefully rolled up one of his snow dampened sleeves. It was surprising to see so many thin scars marring the otherwise perfect flesh, thin rivulets of silvered flesh gleamed softly in the dim lights.

"She stopped me last time, but she's not here and you're too stupid to stop me. Aren't you, you big mutt?" Closing his eyes slightly, Snape pressed the blade into the crook of his arm and took in a sharp breath.

Sirius jumped off of his bed and skittered over the floor to reach Snape. If the stupid kid wanted to kill himself, he could do it on his own time, not on the night that the young Sirius Black almost tricked him into being eaten by Lupin. Somehow the teachers would blame James and him, the younger him, they would say the boys provoked him, berated him until he had no other choice or some rot like that. He tackled Snape for the second time that night, his muscled body knocking the boy down and pushing the air from his lungs.

"Get off of me you stinking rug!" Snape pushed at the unmoving body that lay over him. "What are you doing, dog? Want to finish me off?" His struggling was like that of a small child and Sirius remained in place ever when one pale arm was thrust under his nose in a horrific offering. "Go ahead. That stupid knife was to dull to cut butter. Use those big teeth and just kill me." He was no longer yelling, his voice tapering down to a choked whisper.

Sirius watched the anger and frustration, all plans of vengeance melt away until Snape was no more than a child, crying softly into his side. Salty tears soaked into his fur, making him somewhat moist and more than a little uncomfortable. He couldn't remember the last time someone cried on him, but he knew that Snape never had. He hated the kid as much in that moment as he always had, but at the same time, it was somewhat painful the way that he tried to stifle his sobs into Sirius' coarse black hair as if it was all he could do to keep himself from falling apart. With a long suffering sigh, Sirius lifted himself off of the boy, letting him curl in on himself, before settling down beside him. It took a few heartbeats before the scarred arms wrapped tightly around his neck and Snape buried his face into Sirius' barreled dog chest, crying for all the world as if his heart was breaking.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: I've always been confused that wizarding magic cannot put out house fires or other useful things, but can do simple things like cleaning spells, undressing spells or my personal favorite, _lube _spells. But I suppose that necessity breeds creation. There is a lot more wizard loving going on at Hogwarts than fires.

oh well, another chapter, slightly longer and as promised, slightly sexyer.

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Snape's mournful cries died away quickly into sporadic hiccups, but he did not release his grip on Sirius' neck, keeping the reluctant warmth pressed fervently against himself. With uncharacteristic patience, Sirius' did not crawl off of the bed, even when Snape fell into a fitful sleep, occasionally tightening his grip to the point of almost choking the great black dog, or when his cold feet restlessly kicked at the thin blankets and Sirius' side. In all honesty, even taking in the slight bit of spittle that gleamed on the corner of Snape's thin lips, the boy was easier to lie beside than Remus who tended to steal all of the blankets and push Sirius off of their bed. However the smell of Snape's unwashed hair that tickled Sirius' nose no matter what direction his head turned, left something to be desired.

Working quickly, praying that Madam Pomphry would not suddenly return, Sirius reclaimed his human form and carefully fished his wand out of a pocket. A flick of his wrist and a mumbled word of Latin and the light curtains around the bed closed themselves, offering a bit of privacy for what the man planned. Still unable to remove himself from the fettered grip of the sixteen year old Slytherin, Sirius decided against finding soap somewhere in the large infirmary. Searching his memory for what Remus always referred to as 'lazy spells' he recalled the words of a little bit of magic that had proved useful many times in his free spirited teenage years. Trailing his wand tip gently over the crown of Snape's greasy, blood caked locks, Sirius cast a simple cleansing spell that he had found to be invaluable during his teenage years, after quick snogs that had gotten out of control in empty class rooms or the quidditch locker room. As the soft amber light faded from his wand he blinked awkwardly at a Snape he had never seen. Silken, raven locks fell in gentle waves over marble white features that were softened by sleep. His nose was still a bit too sharp and his lips too think for Sirius' taste, but he found the flawless skin of Snape's sculpted cheeks, where they were kissed by his long dark lashes to be almost hypnotic. Before he knew what he was really doing he found himself leaning over the strangely beautiful sleeping boy, his lips ghosting over the ivory cheeks, trailing down to somewhere he had never wanted to go.

"Just set him down on the nearest bed." Pomphry's voice rang loudly in the largely unoccupied room, startling Sirius back to his senses enough that he was able to pull back before his mouth settled fully over the sleep parted lips. He looked up in a panic, realizing that his actions were still hidden by the curtain that partitioned their bed from the rest. He could hear footsteps hurrying towards his hiding place and looking at himself, man shaped, and held firmly in Snape's sleepy grasp, Sirius realized that he was about to be discovered. He shifted just in time as the thin fabric was drawn back and Pomphry's withered featured surveyed the two cautiously. She checked over Snape, her hands smoothing his silken, clean hair from his face before gently tucking the blankets more firmly over his shoulders. She patted Sirius lightly atop his head. "There's a good boy." She left the small space around the bed, passing beyond the line of the curtain and from Sirius' view.

He sighed deeply then shook himself. The full weight of his actions staggered him, churning his stomach and pressing heavily against his chest. He had almost kissed Snivilous. Unwillingly he glanced back at the boy who slumbered beside him. He was definitively different; his skin flawless, his hair almost curling over his perfectly pale ears, even the deep shadows beneath his lidded eyes had faded away. Perhaps his face had always looked so cherubic, for certainly Sirius had never given a second glance beyond the greasy locks that normally hid the boy's face from view. Although he was always hesitant to use the word when referring to men, no other came to mind. Snape was beautiful.

Beautiful.

Sirius shook his furred head. There was no lingering doubt in his mind. He was dreaming. There had been some vague notion of time travel or some such nonsense that had plagued his thoughts earlier when he lay beneath the bed thinking. But there was no way that at any point in history that Snape had ever been beautiful, not to Sirius and not to anyone else. He would bet all of Remus' money that he was dreaming.

He settled himself into the cool grip of the boy beside him and closed his eyes. Any moment he would wake up and be back in Lupin's office, the man standing over him with a worried look in his eyes and asking if Sirius was well, warning against licking anymore magical items and then they would share his sandwich and life would return to normal.

"Is he going to be alright?" Sirius' youth pitched voice almost pleaded from outside of the curtain.

Sirius perked up one of his dark ears. His dreaded doppelganger had come to the infirmary. But why?

Pomphry's voice was hesitant, but strove for reassuring. "He will be just fine. It's only a few broken bones. What you two boys were doing out by the willow I will never guess, but you should count your lucky stars that you aren't in the same condition as Mr. Potter. Now head back to the dorms, Mr. Black, he will be fine."

Potter? She must have meant James. Sirius craned his long neck as far as possible to see beyond the gap in the curtains. A young and worried Sirius Black hovered over a bruised and bloodied body that could be no one other than James. Sirius cringed, his muzzle wrinkling. He should not have left James out by the tree, but there had been other more important things (namely trying to avoid detention, **not **saving Snape) that had been occupying his mind.

He watched his younger self fretting over his fallen friend, then realizing that if he could see them, they could possibly see him. He did not want to be recognized, after all there could only be so many large black dogs on the school grounds before one of the marauders noticed there were too many Sirius'. Dream or no dream, there being two of him could not end well. He burrowed beneath the blankets, wrinkling his nose at the smell of Snape and hoping that he could force himself to overcome the strange scents of the boy and not start sneezing and drawing unwanted attention. Despite his somewhat cleaner state the young Slytherin smelled strongly of herbs and other mixings for potions, as well of dusty books and blood. The mixture was not wholly unpleasant and in time Sirius settled down, breathing warmly against Snape's slender frame.

"Mr. Black, if you are going to insist on staying, please keep out of my way." Madam Pomphry's voice was stern.

"Right, sorry." The worry in young Sirius' voice made his older counterpart feel warm. There had been such a strong friendship between him and James and he missed it.

Soft steps came close to the cloistered bed and through a fold in the blanket he saw a scuffed pair of tennis shoes brush the under edge of the curtain. Really, he couldn't blame his younger self for being curious, but the threat of discovery had increased tenfold. The lightweight bit of fabric was inquisitively pulled aside, ever so slightly and the softest of gasps was issued.

"Ello there, beautiful." The older Sirius recognized the tone in the younger Sirius' voice and it made him cringe. Apparently he was not to be the only one slightly taken by the sight of a cleaned Snape.

Weight settled onto the edge of the bed, far too close to Sirius for his comfort. He watched from his hiding place, amazed that his hormone addled seventeen year old self could be so caught up in a moment to not notice a dog shaped lump between him and his sleeping prey, and as such an overwhelmed youth leaned hesitantly over Snape, gently touching his cheek, fingertips trailing down to his tie.

Snape woke with a start, his body stiffening at the sight of Black leaning over him.

"I don't remember seeing you before." Younger Sirius breathed the words, either as way of seduction, or so as not to be heard by the old nurse. "I'm Sirius Black." His fingers still lingered over the silver and green tie.

"You great arse, I bloody know who you are." Snape gritted his teeth, fingering his wand from a sweater pocket beneath the concealment of the blankets. "And if you don't get away from me right now I will kill you."

Apparently younger Sirius believed him because he hurriedly removed himself from the edge of the bed. "Snape? Hell, what happened to you?"

"You tried to kill me, or have you already forgotten?"

"Lighten up." He seemed to be fumbling over his words, still not out from under the spell of a clean and alluring Snape. "It was just a joke."

"I almost died." Snape hissed out a breath before continuing. "You would have liked that, wouldn't you? I guess your plan backfired and you got Potter instead. How typically pathetic." He sounded tired and board, as if talking to Sirius were as dull and undesirable as cleaning up slugs from the garden, but his hands betrayed him. Tucked up beneath the blankets, he still grasp tightly to his wand with one hand, the other to coarse dog fur, clutching and shaking as the rest of his body was languid and impassive.

"Yeah… well not as pathetic as you."

The older Sirius rolled his eyes from his hiding place. He remembered being witty, but there was no proof in that lame comeback. Apparently Snape also found the insult to be a bit lacking.

"Why don't you bugger off, before you find yourself in detention, Black?"

"You bugger off, you git." Another quick and smashing comeback.

"I would love to see what happens to you when the Head Master finds out that you are out past curfew, attempting to murder fellow students. " His hands had loosened their death grip as he relaxed, no longer threatened by Sirius leaning over him.

"Sod off, Snivilous." Sirius growled softly, but he left, pulling the curtain hastily closed behind him in his retreat.

The older Sirius relaxed, grateful that he was not discovered, but also disappointed that his younger self could be so easily swayed by a single look from Snivilous' depthless black eyes. They were enemies and his younger half had no business getting off kilter so quickly.

"What a wanker." Snape grumbled to himself, tucking his wand back in its pocket and settling against the great warmth that was Sirius. Almost gently, his porcelain hands pulled and the long black ears as he pushed his head against the dog's. "That Black is such a tosser." He confided to his bedmate. Sirius wished he could agree, but truly the previous display of wit and charm was deplorable. "Getting all moony eyed and-" as if a thought occurred to him his hands flew to his hair, touching the silken locks. "Damn the old bird, she cleaned me." He sighed in the longest suffering way possible, burying his face back into Sirius' shoulder. "I'll just have to hide from that bastard until I can go unwash."

At first Sirius thought he was about to be on the receiving end of a belly rub, as Snape's hand moved away from his captive ear and downward. Even if it came from a person like Snape, belly rubs would never be turned down. But the hand did not go to his stomach; it rested instead on its owner. Sirius was somewhat confused as to why Snape was lazily stroking his own belly, but he figured, to each his own and settled down once more. For the last time that night he attempted sleep, but Snape's occasional fidgeting and mumbled complaints about a particular 'filthy Black' kept him from the comfort of dreams, or escape from the one he was already lost in. He lazily opened his eyes and risked a look at the boy beside him and was once more taken a back at the startling beauty of the young Slytherin. Snape's face was flushed, and a thin sheen of sweat glistened on his brow as he softly bit at his reddened lips. It was only after staring blankly for many long moments that Sirius came to realize that it was no longer Snape's belly that he was petting so slowly and fervently. He had seen the same look on Remus' face many many nights when they were so caught up in each other heated touches and kisses to care about anything else around them, the same way that Snape had neglected to care that there was a dog beside him.

Quicker than he had ever moved in his life, Sirius was out of the bed, not caring if someone was to see him, he practically flew over the cold floor to Madam Pomphry's side as she tended to a sleeping James. His ears could ever so faintly hear Snape's uneven breaths, but if he pretended hard enough nothing seemed amiss.

The old nurse absently patted his head and continued her work as Sirius coward beneath James' bed, trying to think about anything other than the calamity he had fled from and how nice it had sounded to hear his name being breathed out with such unconscious wanton.

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tadah?

hopefuly another chapter up by the end of this week.


	5. Chapter 5

Madam Pomphry released Snape from the infirmary the next morning, sending him back down to the Slytherin dungeon to convalesce. Sirius begrudgingly followed after the still unsteady figure, not because he wanted to necessarily be around Snape any longer than he had too, nor did he want to accidently catch the boy during another more 'intimate' moment, but he followed purely for the fact that the dungeons seemed like the least likely place for a marauder to find him. Tucked away with a house of Slytherins should be the safest place for someone hiding from Giffyndors.

Snape looked less than pleased to have a large, furry shadow following his steps, but when he almost took a tumble down the moist steps that lead down to the dorms, he was grateful for the sudden support of Sirius pressing him against the wall. Sirius himself didn't know why he had saved the boy from a broken neck, but he shook it off and let Snape keep a hand curled tightly in the shaggy scruff at the back of his neck.

Admittedly, there were a few other reasons that Sirius was willing to follow Snape down to the dorms. Despite all of his adventuring throughout the school in his youth, he had never ventured down into the heart of the Slytherin house. There were so many students whose shoes he could chew up and beds he could pee on. If he couldn't wake up and go back to his normal life, he had every intention to enjoy himself.

Those plans were put on hold as he padded along beside Snape into the common room and saw the students loitering before going to breakfast. Sitting between Rosier and Mulciber was the unmistakable figure of his little brother. Regulus was laughing and joking with the other pure bloods and it took all of the wind from Sirius' sails. It wasn't so much that he missed his brother, the boy had been dead for years and they had never been close, but seeing him alive and grinning left Sirius feeling ever so slightly regretful and he didn't know why. With his tail at half mass he tried to slink with Snape past the boys, but Rosier saw them and stood.

"Snape, bloody hell, what is that thing?"

Snape kept his head down and his eyes averted as he spoke and Sirius knew that he was attempting to keep his angelic face hidden from view of his classmates. "It's just some dumb mutt that won't leave me alone."

"We can take care of that for you." Mulciber offered with a somewhat manic grin.

Sirius felt a moment of dread as to what the malicious young boys might do to a lone dog that strayed too closely into their midst. But Snape's grip in his fur tightened ever so slightly. "No I think I will keep him around, sick him on Potter and his bunch. He can be quite vicious."

"He looks harmless." Regulus piped up, offering his hand to Snape's furry companion, to smell.

Sirius' ears twitched. He couldn't become friends with his brother. He didn't want to be considered the new Slytherin pet, so he pointedly did not sniff the out held hand, instead he pulled back his lips, showing his rows of long jagged teeth, punctuated with a soft growl. It was a minimal effort, but it did the trick and Regulus recoiled slightly to the laughter of the other boys. Sirius' brother laughed it off as well, but he eyes the dog warily. "Make sure he doesn't try and eat you, Snape. He looks hungry."

Snape only nodded slightly and lead Sirius away from the common room, taking him lower beneath the school where the air was damper but somehow the chill of the stones seemed lessened. Sirius sniffed at every stone they passed, his canine curiosity getting the better of him as they walked down the halls.

Surprisingly to him the bedrooms looked quite similar to the one he had spent his nights in. The only real difference was the color of the bed drapes and the lack of windows. He busied himself with shoving his head into each and every shadowed space he could find while Snape slowly removed his bloodied and soiled clothes from the day before. Sirius made a noble effort not to watch the boy undressing, he was not interested in the slender, pale figure or the sharp curve of his narrow hips or the faintest trail of dark hair that was barely visible over the top of his low ridding boxers. Sirius shook himself and wiggled his way under one of the beds, trying to occupy his mind with what treasures and smells were hidden in the dark space and think less on the what sorts of things he normally would do with hips like the ones he had not wanted to see. Who would have thought that beneath the greasy hair and loose clothes would be such an unexpectedly alluring body?

"You're a creepy dog." Snape's soft voice pervaded the chill quiet of the room. "You watch Hagrid get dressed too?"

The thought made Sirius' stomach heave. Why would anyone think such a thing? Then he remembered that he was supposed to be one of the giant's pets and although he had made an effort to the contrary he did just sit, watching Snape slowly strip for almost the whole duration before he was able to avert his gaze. He crawled out from under one of the beds, dusty and sneezing and looked at Snape. The boy was dressed again (much to Sirius' silent disappointment) in a loose pair of sweat pants and a plain black tee. The dark clothing hugged his waif like body in a way that was both disturbing and tempting. Sirius found himself shaking his head again before sneezing more dust from his nose.

"Creepy mutt." Snape repeated before climbing onto one of the beds and pulling out schoolwork. Apparently, even if he was meant to take the day off on account of almost dying, he had no intention to fall behind in his studies.

Sirius thought that it was a waste of time and returned to his investigations of the small room. Eventually every corner and crevice had been snooped in and someone's shoe had been thoroughly gnawed before Snape noticed and yelled at him. There was nothing left of interest in the room, it was a bit cold and Sirius was hungry. Mildly he realized that he hadn't eaten anything since the day before. He hoped up onto Snape's bed, prostrating himself across the spread out books and parchment, his stomach rumbling pitifully.

Snape lightly hit his nose, scowling at the inconvenient dog. "Get off my pages, you'll wrinkle them."

Complying only because his nose hurt and eating the boys hand would not be filling, Sirius rolled to the foot of the bed before looking back over, tongue lolling out and eyes wide and expectant.

"What? I don't have time to play." He attempted to return to his rumpled pages, smoothing his pale hands over the edges.

Sighing, Sirius had only to wait until his stomach resumed its low rumbling. Snape took notice and glanced up at the dog. "Are you hungry?" He took a plaintive whine as a yes and nodded. "I guess we can eat." Snape slipped from the bed, going to a battered old trunk that had been pushed into a corner. He scrounged around for a few moments, giving Sirius a fantastic view of his slender backside and how it fit just so in his baggy dark grey sweats, before standing up straight with something wrapped in brown paper and string. He returned to the bed and carefully unwrapped what presented its self as strips of beef jerky. Sirius did not know why Snape had secreted away such a savory treat, but he did not question the humble offering. He watched greedily as Snape's boney fingers tore off little bits of meat and he held them out to Sirius, waving the snack in front of his nose.

Sirius ravenously licked up the meat and was rewarded with a soft laugh from Snape. It startled him and he watched the boy cautiously as he tried to chew the tough but savory bite in his mouth. Snape was smiling, his dark eyes shining in the dimly lit room. "You are hungry." He broke off another piece and carefully held it just out of Sirius' reach.

Not particularly wanting to be teased with food and quite hungry, Sirius wiggled forward on his belly, looking very much like a large furry worm. He was rewarded with another candid laugh and a tidbit of food. Snape kept his smile, looking amused at the dog that kept tentatively stealing food from his hands until the package was emptied.

It surprised Sirius when Snape offered him his empty hands and the residue of meat. Still hungry he licked the pale digits and almost didn't mind the distinctive under flavor that was Snape. He tasted much as he smelled, of books and dust and herbs but with a hint of saltiness and something warm and earthy. It was a human flavor and not what he expected from a Slytherin or Snape for that matter. He lay back, not full, but satisfied.

Snape returned to his work and Sirius had nothing to do other than watch the boy and the way that his hair fell over his eyes and how he worried the edge of his lip while he wrote, his ever so slightly not perfect teeth grazing his lower lip in concentration. It awakened in Sirius a need that had nothing to do with eating, but the third basic human need (the first being food and the second sleep, but he had already had enough of those). He rolled over, giving Snape his back and thinking as hard as he could about his mother. It helped to quell the spreading warmth in his belly. Thoughts of the elderly, sour woman often helped him when his hormones picked inopportune times to manifest.

Snape moved behind him, collecting his books and setting them on the floor beside his bed. He busied himself with drawing the heavy silver and green striped curtains around his bed, cutting out most of the light. They were alone in the cavern that was Snape's bed and Sirius sat up quickly, his ears up and alert. Snape pointed one of his long fingers out between a gap in the curtains. "Out."

Sirius figured that perhaps the boy was still tired. _It's not like he slept all of last night_, Sirius thought snidely to himself. He slunk from the bed and settled himself onto the floor, trying to find a comfortable place to lay his head on his paws.

It wasn't long before Sirius realized that Snape had not closed the curtains so that he could sleep, but for a whole other reason all together.

_Again?_ He tried to press his ears as firmly to his skull as he could. But as much as Sirius would like to hold the boy's hormones against him, Sirius remembered being a teenager and hardly ever making it through a whole day without a few moments to himself that required absolute privacy. And if there was anyone in all of Hogwarts that would be somewhat sexually frustrated, he supposed that it would be Severus Snape. Lord knew he wasn't getting the attention anywhere else. He couldn't think of anyone who would want to touch the greasy git, much less spend some quality time snogging him.

Despite his best efforts to block them out, soft moans still reached Sirius, prickling along his spine and tightening his chest. _It's Snivilous._ He reminded himself firmly and started pacing the room, but his thoughts returned to the porcelain face that had remained hidden to him for years, just as quickly as he remembered Snape's lips and the way he bit at them when he thought no one was watching. _This is a dream_, he reminded himself sternly, _a really really long dream and I'm just gagging for a shag, it has nothing to do with Snivilous_. He couldn't help but turn his head towards the closed curtains when he heard his name, softly whispered. It should have disturbed him that Snape thought of young Sirius Black when he was touching himself, but it didn't. _Hell, it's just a dream_. Thinking no more on the matter or consequences, Sirius reclaimed his long legged human form and sauntered to the occupied bed.

He opened the curtains just enough to peek in at the splayed form of his childhood enemy. He was somewhat disappointed to see that he was beneath his heavy blankets, but the room was chilly and so he couldn't blame him for seeking a warmer place for such indelicate acts. Carefully climbing atop the bed, Sirius shifted his weight, moving almost stealthily. He hadn't much need to worry as Severus would not have not have noticed him jumping on the bed for as occupied as he was in his current state.

Sirius wasted no time in leaning over the boy, pausing for only a moment to relish in the way Snape's heated breaths stirred his hair and caressed his face, before capturing those tempting lips that he could no longer resist. Snape's reaction was almost immediate, almost because there was a split second when his lips met Sirius' that he let out a hungry moan and pressed against him, but he pulled away with a startled shout and punched Sirius squarely across the jaw. If he had been a stronger person it may have even hurt.

"Who the bloody hell are you?" His free hand was desperately searching for something, Sirius could only assume it was his wand.

"I may not be that 'filthy Black' you've been fantasizing about, but I promise to be an amazing stand in." Sirius' hands hand already found Snape's hips beneath the blanket, distracted by the way they twisted in his grip.

Snape hesitantly brought his hand back into the shelter of the bed, no wand in sight. His breath was still uneven and the flush on his cheeks was obvious even in the darkened space. He wasn't thinking clearly, his thoughts befuddled with desires only he understood. His dark gaze slowly took in Sirius, his shaggy hair, unshaved face and intense grey eyes. The look lingered before indecently moving over the man's clothed chest and lower. With a slow nod, his free hand came up to grasp a shaking fistful of Sirius' dark hair and pull him back down for another kiss.

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AN: and then they made the sweet sweet lovins.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: hopefuly this one will have gone to far. I'm really reachng for a disaprooving sigh here.

* * *

Sirius hand never considered what a trial having sex with Snape would have been, but given their history together it was not surprising that he had given little to no thought on the matter. It had gone fairly well until Snape had somehow got in his mind that he wanted to be on the giving rather than receiving end of their activities. It was at the point when Sirius lay on his back, on leg awkwardly pulled up over one of those divinely pale hips that he realized what the boy intended to do with him. Holding back his laughter was almost impossible, but Snape's unamused raised eyebrow was not offended. They argued with hungry mouths and hips rather than words. Sirius won in the end, as it should be, and truly Snape had no reason to complain about the results that followed.

Lying back on pillows not wholly uncomfortable, in company that what not entirely undesirable, Sirius found himself starting to doze off in post coital warmth. It was not too far a stretch of the imagination to pretend that the head resting upon his chest, that the owner of such frail, smooth shoulders, was someone other than his childhood nemesis.

Long pale fingers were slowly dancing over his ribs, exploring his side in a lazy but curious manner. Snape's voice was soft and distant. "I don't even know who you are." He looked up, his dark eyes like twin eclipses in the shelter of the shadowed bed. "You sure as hell aren't a student."

Despite his intentions Sirius felt himself getting lost in the dark gaze. "I… I was a student a long time ago." He looked up at the ceiling and stretched out his long toes, settling more comfortably against the mattress. "I guess I just got a little lost."

"And so, in your confusion you found the first occupied bed and hoped in?" One eyebrow arched in amusement and doubt.

"Well…" Sirius searched for an excuse for his behavior, then realized who he was talking to and knew that he was not required to explain himself. "Basically, yes. Yes I did."

"And how did you get into our wing of the school, or past my dog for that matter?" His fingers had not ceased their slow petting, having moved to one of the long, sinewy arms that was thoughtlessly draped around his waist.

"I… shut up for a bit, ok?" But it was said with a sort of affection and familiarity that surprised even Sirius.

Snape watched him for a few heartbeats before sitting to study the stranger in his bed more thoroughly, his mouth pulled tight and his eyes narrowed in concentration. A light bloomed behind those black eyes, a knowledge that concerned Sirius more than he wanted to admit. "You… you're the dog." It was not a question, Snape didn't need a verbal answer because the widening of Sirius' eyes was all the conformation he needed. "You've been following me for two days." He accused softly, his eyes becoming dangerous slits. "You were there last night when-"

But he did not finish the thought, instead he let out a heavy breath that he had been holding for what sounded like hours, folding in on himself and drawing his knees up to his chest.

Sirius watched the transformation of the boy with apprehension, seeing the earlier confidence fade away leaving nothing but a washed out shell. Though he did not think that Snape was accustomed to showing any signs of weakness to anyone, especially a man like Sirius, the same uncertainty and hurt that he had seen in the boy the night before was almost tangible in the small space they occupied. Damning the consequences for a moment, Sirius sat upright letting the blankets pool around his waist and pulled an arm back around Snape's shoulders, tugging the boy against his chest.

For a moment Snape fought him, for a moment he rallied against the misplaced compassion, stiffening within the embrace before giving himself over to the only warmth offered him. He did not cry like he had the night before, because surly there was a stifling difference between sobbing into the fur of a stray dog and crying against the offered shoulder of a strange naked man.

It was a side of Severus Snape that Sirius had never seen. In place of the skulking was trembling shoulders, instead of heated glairs there were only dark eyes swimming in unshed tears. Bitterly, Sirius wondered if he had seen Snape for who he truly was and not the façade that he projected to his peers, that if their time in school together would have been different. He knew that it would have been. It would have been worse. His unruly younger self would have latched onto the weakness and uncertainty and pulled the boy apart at the seams. It had taken him years, one death and Remus' patient guidance to pull him away from his pureblood instincts and heartless tendencies.

Pulling Snape more firmly against his chest, he lay back down, trying to just enjoy the weight and proximity of the other human. Almost unsure in himself he fought to form the words, "Do you mind if I call you Severus?"

The boy he spoke to looked up at him, his painful expression sharpening into one of suspicion. "How do you know my name?"

"After what we just did, I would hope that I knew who you were." He laughed it off, trying to sound casual even in their intimate position, with Sirius' bare torso and hips pressed firmly along his side.

"Do I get to know your name or am I just going to be considered an easy shag and not worthy of a proper introduction?" If ever there was a loaded question, Sirius had just been blitz by the mother of them.

"Call me Si-" He caught himself. He couldn't tell Snape his real name, not without the boy's staggering intellect puzzling out things that he didn't want him to know. "Sss," he bit his lip in concentration, letting slip the first name that came to mind, "Soap-dish." Not really a name so much as a … Sirius really worried about himself sometimes.

"Mr. Soap-dish?" One brow arched again.

"It's French?" Sirius tried one of his winning smiles to distract from the fact that he was drowning.

"It sounds more made up to me." Snape pulled away slightly, running a hand through his hair, obviously not amused or won over.

"Orion." Sirius amended with the only other constellation that he knew that didn't already belong to a family member. "Call me Orion." For a moment he worried that Snape wouldn't buy that one either, but his mouth quirked up on the edges in the smallest smile that Sirius had ever seen.

"Orion." Snape repeated and the way that his mouth gently formed the word did strange things to Sirius' insides.

"You know, you're really… somewhat… I mean when you're clean you look… nice." Sirius blinked at the sentimentally romantic rubbish, wondering how and why it had come out.

Snape sighed softly, settling his head against a warm shoulder, his breath tickling along Sirius' neck. "Yeah, I know." But he did not seem happy about the admonition, instead saying the words as one would agree that their pants were hideous or that eels tasted bad.

"It's not so bad, you know. When I was your age I was a towering pillar of masculine beauty. I got all the ladies." He grinned in spite of himself. "You could too… or you know… the gents, since that's your sort of… yeah. "

Snape gave him a withering look. "I have more important things to do that spend my afternoons on my knees, but thanks."

"That's not what I meant. But you could… not hide it. Win yourself a handsome bloke and… study together… make potions or whatever."

"Oh yes, I could win myself a devilishly handsome moron and help him with his homework, what a charming life that would be." He said with the slightest hint of amusement in his voice, all the while gently running his lips over Sirius' collar bone. "I'd rather not. I don't want to be the way that I am, with these dirty genes and all."

"You mean… being a…" Sirius didn't want to finish, didn't want to call Snape a halfblood and anger him, not if it would result in him pulling his velvet lips away from his skin.

"I'm a quarter Vela." He admitted, voice almost shy. "My mum, she was half."

"Sod off? Are you serious? If my old lady had been half Vela I would have been even more of a demon when I was here. No one would have told me no."

"I'm sure that's not a problem you've ever encountered."

"Well, maybe once or… you're teasing me, aren't you?" Sirius couldn't help but laugh. If anyone had told him that he would have spent a day in bed, being teased by a naked Severus he would have called them a loon.

"Oh no." Snape lightly kissed the corner of his mouth, looking at him in an expectant manner.

"No?" Sirius felt himself grinning and gently rolling so he was atop Snape.

"A big strong man like you? I would be a fool to tease." Snape kept his face surprisingly straight despite the twinkle in his eye.

Sirius planted a soft kiss on the end of his long narrow nose and managed not to cringe when he noticed the tenderness of his own actions. The almost shy expression that he received in response made the action worth whatever man pride was lost. He kissed Snape, as well and long as he would have kissed Remus if he had been the one beneath him. He knew his mind was not where it should be, he knew who's hair he was stroking, whose knees he was expertly pulling up over his hips, but it didn't seem to matter much. It was what he wanted, and for a moment in time it was who he wanted.

* * *

AN: Crazyest reason I have ever come across for Snape (or anyone) randomly being amazingly irresistable, part Vela. It killed me a bit to write that part. hopefuly it hurt you too.


	7. Chapter 7

"I still don't get why you hid your face under that nasty hair all this time." Sirius mused. The day had worn on until well passed dinner and Severus' roommate had returned. The two of them had taken shelter behind the heavy curtains surrounding the bed and beneath the cover of a silencing spell. The others in the room just assumed Snape to be continuing his convalescing and were none the wiser to the fact that he was not alone in his bed when he should have been.

Snape scowled up at him, playfully making a sharp tug on the scraggly four day beard that Sirius wore so well. "Because I don't like to distract all of the simpletons at this school, and I don't want to be distracted by their attentions."

"You're shy." Sirius grinned widely.

Rolling his eyes Snape tried to explain. "You were there in the infirmary with me last night. There was that smarmy git, Black… you saw what he did. Practically drooled over himself when he saw me." It was not said with disgust so much as a less than expertly disguised hint of pride.

"If it's any inclination, you wanking after he left kind of made it seem like you didn't mind the attention." Sirius was rewarded with another sharp tug, but he didn't mind so much.

"Bollocks, you were there for that too, weren't you?" Snape had the decency to actually look embarrassed that someone had caught him.

The dream had gotten so far off track that Sirius didn't even feel a need to question the absurdity of it any longer, and for that reason he held back no shame when asking, "You like him, don't you?"

"He tried to kill me last night, what do you think?" He avoided answering in an admirable way.

"I think that perhaps your little hate crush had lead you to many sleepless, sweaty nights." Sirius found himself watching Severus with new eyes. Every word out of the boy's mouth, every little laugh and each awkward cringe was a beautiful new layer that he never knew existed. He was disarming Sirius from all his preconceptions without ever intending to.

"He tried to kill me." Snape repeated his voice dropping lower, heavier with some emotion that Sirius could not ever begin to understand. "When I woke up in the infirmary and realized that he had failed… I planned to finish the job for him, and when that didn't work I decided on a new plan."

"And what plan is that now?" Sirius wished that it didn't hurt something low in his stomach to hear Snape talk to casually about offing himself, but the latticework of scars marring his slender arms was testament that last night had not been an exception to his normal outlook on his own mortality.

"I planned to kill him." There was no malice, no hatred, just cold fact.

It scared Sirius slightly, not that he would admit to the fact, instead he grasped at a little slip up in Snape's words. "Planned?"

"Planned." He confirmed. "But that was yesterday and I am a man of many plans and schemes." A hint of a smile had returned to his lips, all mischief and wholly out of place on such a dower young man.

"And what, pray tell is the new plan that you have concocted?" Sirius could not resist returning the smile with abandon.

"Well, correct me if I am wrong, but I know that I'm not. You are an animagus, not a werewolf, because you were still a dog this morning after the moon had started to wane. You are skulking around a school, hiding from someone, which means that you aren't supposed to be here and are worried about being caught. There are scars on your wrists and ankles… most likely from shackles. So, Orion, you are, or were a criminal of sorts, and sense I haven't heard anything about some dangerous man running free that we should all fear with every fiber of our being, means that they don't know that you have fled yet, or they let you out."

Sirius had no words to offer the calculating young man who lay on him, all he could do was blink openly. He had not realized that his past was so easy to read.

"Obviously from your hiding here and that that beautiful dead fish expression you are giving me, I am right… because I always am. So here's the plan," He rested his chin in the center of Sirius' sternum, looking up at him with depthless eyes. "I keep you hidden, and you stay with me and we ignore that damn Sirius Black and his stupid friends."

Sirius considered his options. If it really was a dream there would be no harm in any promises made in the secret space that they shared, but if somehow it was not a dream (he could be wrong, even when he was sure that he was not) then eventually he would need to find a way to get back home to his current time and Remus, wherever, whenever and however he needed to. Then it dawned on him. One way he woke up and no harm would be done, the other way he returned and Severus was still dead just as he had been after the war. Nothing would change.

Sirius thought about it and shrugged. "I might have to go home eventually."

The hesitation and hurt in Snape's eyes was startling, but it vanished so quickly Sirius wondered if he had imagined it. "Of course you do." He sat up, shaking hair from his face and looking at the backside of his curtains.

He did not know why then, nor would he ever know why in the coming years, but it pained Sirius to see such hard hearted rejection so plain on his young face. He reached out, his old caloused hands gently catching Snape's face, turning him so they could look at eachother eye to eye. "I will stay with you for as long as I can." It was a lousy promise, but he would have made a hundred more just like it if it kept the hurt from those dark eyes.

Snape stiffened slightly, but the words seemed to melt him slightly and even though it was heasitant, the faintest ghost of a smile found its way to his lips. "For as long as you can before you have to go home… to your wife."

"Wife?" Sirius could not hold back a barking laugh. "Bloody hell, I don't have a wife."

Snape's response was not verbal, but he did not need words to express his enthusiasm at Sirius chuckling reply. He twined his thin, pale arms around the older man's neck and kissed him soundly. "Good, then I'm keeping you." There was a somewhat frightening determination in his words. "I could use a pet."

The next morning Sirius woke, not truly understanding where he was other than it was warm and smelled reminiscent of school and sex. He rolled over, nestled against the soft body beside him. "Morning." He grumbled in a sleep deepened voice.

"You can't leave." The words were whispered against his ear.

"That's a bit creepy." Sirius opened an eye to peer at Snape, only mildly surprised that it was not Remus beside him.

Snape lay on his stomach, shoulders bare to the cold air of the room, propped up on his elbows and holding something in his long hands. Sirius was able to pry his gaze from the unusually memorable profile long enough to see that that he was holding the same strange little gyroscope that had started Sirius' strange journey.

"Where did you get that?" He rubbed sleep from his eyes while stifling a yawn.

"Your pants pocket…" He turned the wheels slowly. "You knew me as soon as you saw me, my name, my desires… I wanted to know something about you." He looked over and Sirius feared that he might see a shadow of the pain from the night before, but there was only a sly smile. "It's broken, you can't go back."

Sirius squinted at the bauble. "What is it?"

"You did say that you went here… did you even graduate?" Snape was laughing at him, his eyes shining with mirth.

"I did." He tried not to be annoyed with the low shot at his intelligence.

"This is, well it was a time turner. It's missing its center piece."

"What about the little shiny bit?" He poked at the gears and saw that the small gem was indeed missing.

"The hourglass? I don't know, but without it you cant go anywhere." Snape rolled onto his side and looked at Sirius. "You are stuck here with me, Orion." He lowered his eyes in an almost coy expression. "That's how you knew me… you must know me when I'm older… and you came back to me."

Sirius did not have the heart or the courage to tell Severus how very wrong he was, not when he was smiling so triumphantly and not when such a dire outlook had just been placed on his chances of getting back home.

As if drawn by a magnet, Severus' lips met his with a fierce sort of determination. "Don't tell me how or when. I want you to be just as shocking the second time."

Sirius laughed softly, but it was strained. Snape did not notice somehow, as caught up as he was in his strange euphoria.

"I am going to get breakfast. I will bring you back some before I go to class." Finding his discarded sweatpants from the day before, Severus pulled on a scrap of clothing. Before leaving the bed and the somewhat mystical quality that had fallen over it during the night, he hesitated and touched Sirius' arm in an unusual show of affection. "I lo-" the word died on his lips and he frowned at either himself or at Sirius, neither of them was sure which. "I needed you that night at the tree… thank you for coming back." The gratitude sounded untested on his lips, but the smile in his eye was unmistakable.

Sirius was left alone and no matter how hard he tried, he could not shake Snape's slight proclamation that died before birth. There was only one phrase Sirius knew that started with those dreaded sounds.

He pressed his hands over his eyes hard enough that all he could see was painfully bright bursts of white and gold. "What the hell am I doing?"


	8. Chapter 8

There were only four other people in all of Hogwarts as apt at skulking through the halls late at night as Sirius Black was, technically only three if he discounted his younger self. Getting in and out of the library was easier than he remembered, though research was even more boring than he remembered. Back in his school days this sort of work was left to Remus and Sirius would copy down what he needed, but sadly Remus was not with him and the leg work was left to him alone.

Sirius was perched beneath a table, reading old books by the light of his wand. He could have done it during the day, but a dog was not allowed in the library and Snape would have been curious as to why Sirius wanted books explaining the deeper intricacies of time travel. Snape was intelligent, he would have figured out what Sirius was up to long before Sirius even knew what he was doing.

The books did not help as much as he wanted them to, none told how to mend a broken turner and he frankly did not have the parts or the experience to make a new one.

He ran his hands through his dark hair and exhaled sharply. As far as he had been able to figure, the little jewel in the middle was what had moved him back to his old school days and if there was to be any hope in returning to where he belonged he needed the missing piece.

Despite his growing unease at the situation he had placed himself in, he was determined to not upset Snape anymore than necessary by obviously attempting to leave him, especially not after their long nights together. Despite Snape's blatant inexperience, his appetites were insatiable and Sirius would have been a liar if he said that he minded the lustful attentions. Luckily the boy had no stamina and after a quick fumble he would be out for the night, leaving Sirius to scourer the library for information, then the halls for the lost jewel.

He knew what a futile attempt it was to think he could find such a delicate piece of glass in the oversized school, but he still searched. Days turned into weeks and no sign of the wayward jewel had been found.

On yet another uneventful night, after one more disappointing search, Sirius slunk back into his and Snape's shared bed, stopping dead in his tracks, front paws up on the edge of the mattress. Snape was awake, a book held loosely in his hands, his dark eyes ignoring the pages in favor of staring at the furry intruder. He said nothing, only quietly pulling the curtain closed behind Sirius, letting the large dog burrow back into the warmth of the blankets.

Sirius debated staying a dog. He would not be expected to talk in that form, but the piercing look he was being given let him know that he did not have the option. Shifting up, he shook himself slightly, keeping his voice low he tried to sound casual. "You're up late, Severus. Something wrong?"

"You were gone." He could have sounded sad, but it was a different emotion that colored his voice, one much darker and dangerous.

"I just had to take a piss." Sirius said offhandedly, leaning in to steal a reassuring kiss. But the other's lips did not move against his.

"You were gone for almost four hours. Should I take you to Madam Pomphry? Obviously you are not well." Snape's dark eyes had lost any white in the unlit room and he watched Sirius like one possessed.

"I just wanted to stretch my legs. I stay cooped up in here all day except when you take me on walks after dinner. Don't try and make this into something sinister, mate."

"You're looking for the missing piece."

Sirius did his best not to miss a beat, but really Severus' powers of deduction were somewhat frightening to him. "Missing piece of what?"

Snape said nothing, just stared grimly in the dim light.

Sirius tried to smile and lay back, attempting to look relaxed despite the accusations.

"If you want to leave me so bad, why don't you?" Again there was no hurt, just calm anger boiling below the surface.

"I never said I wanted to leave. I like it here with you."

"Then why do you go out looking every night? Every night?" His hands were gripping the old book hard enough that it groaned in protest.

"I don-" Sirius caught himself. Why was he attempting to lie to Snape, to spare his feelings? "Listen... it's not that I don't like it here. This past month, these nights, they have been so far from anything I ever imagined, and you… are so much more than I ever imagined you could have been… but I don't belong here. I've got a bloke waiting for me back home and I miss him something fierce."

"You told me you weren't married." His words hitched in his throat ever so slightly, but Sirius heard it.

"I'm not married." Sirius spoke louder than he intended, then scolded himself. There were two other people in the room, sleeping deeply and not wanting to know that Severus kept strange men in his bed after hours.

"You just have someone." Snape finished quietly. "Is that someone me?"

Sirius bit his lip, grateful that in the darkness Snape could not see him clearly. "We already talked about how you didn't want to know what happens. I think it's best if we keep it that way." Sirius shook his head at himself as he pussyfooted around Snape's feelings, trying anyway to spare the boy the hurt he undoubtedly already felt. Sirius may as well have just answered 'no' for as much as Snape was buying the lines he was given.

"Then the only reason you are still here is because you can't go home." He did not ask. He was telling Sirius and there was no room to argue. Snape smiled, barely visible in the darkness, but as sinister and self satisfied as Sirius remembered his smiles to be. "What a shame that piece went missing. I suppose you will just have to learn to like it here."

Then it dawned on Sirius and he wondered how he could have been so blind and foolish for so many endless weeks. "Severus, did you take it?" It should not have surprised him that a cunning boy like Snape would have done what he felt was necessary to get exactly what he wanted.

There was no lie and there was no remorse. "Yes I did."

Sirius dug the little gyroscope from deep in his wand pocket and held it tightly. "Where is it?"

"Gone." Snape carefully put his book away and stretched lazily, making as if to go back to sleep.

"Severus, Where is it?" Sirius let his voice drop into a low growl.

"I kept it for a week or so, I was going to give it back to you eventually, but then I changed my mind."

"Damn it, Snape!" He didn't care anymore if he woke the roommates. "Where is it?" He demanded for the last time.

"I smashed it and if I had the chance I would do it again."

"You… you what?" He found it difficult to form the words, to get them past the growing knot of anger building in his chest.

"I broke it into a hundred little pieces and threw them into the lake. Is that what you want me to say?" Snape sat up on his knees, facing the man beside him, his scrawny shoulders shaking slightly.

Sirius could not go home, his one key was gone. He would never see his Remus again or chase the birds in the park by their house. He would never get to lie on their bed, watching the stars while Remus slept on his chest. All because Snivilous had made a choice for him, had decided for him that he would stay. Sirius was as angry as he had ever been, perhaps more. He threw the gyroscope at Snape's head, feeling satisfaction in the loud thud it made. "Why the hell did you do that?"

Snape had grown still, obviously shocked at the violence. One hand slowly went to his forehead, feeling the bump over his left eye, the other hand slowly wrapped around the projectile that had rolled to rest against his knee. "I did it… because I didn't want to lose you." His voice was so soft, like a whisper on the wind, hardly even reaching Sirius' ears. "Because I-I love you, and I thought that you felt the same."

"Love you?" Sirius laughed cruelly. "You're just an easy shag, Snivilous. That's it."

Snape did not look at him as his breath caught in an almost strangled sound, he hardly moved beside his shoulders trembling, but not matter how hard he tried to hold it in, he cried. It was only a single bitter tear that rolled down his long nose and fell heavily onto the blankets, rolling over the fabric and gleaming in the faint light. It was the first tear shed from his first broken heart, the greatest moment of pain in his life so far, manifest into a single jewel. He suddenly threw the gyroscope back, letting out a startling string of profanity and then like a flash he was off the bed, running from the room as if he hoped to outrun a storm.

The roommates were awake, the other boys hastily sending light into the small room and staring dumbly at Sirius where he sat, unwelcome on the third bed. Sirius could not see them, all he could see was the one crystalline tear laying on the crumpled folds of fabric. A small jewel as rare as precious all Vela's tears should be. Sirius would have bet his life that it was the same tear that had been taken from the turner. The pain of Snape's first broken heart poured into one strangled moment. It had been that magic and that pain that had drawn Sirius back.

He scooped up the tear and the turner and ran from the room followed by the confused shouts of the other boys. He ran until he was clear of the dungeon and could shift down to a less conspicuous form and then was gone, his feet carrying him faster than the sleepy legs of his pursuers. He knew every hidey-hole in the school and it was in his favorite one that he tucked himself, knowing that he only had so much time before the shouts of 'intruder' would start a full and thorough search for him.

His calloused hands twisted the gears and wheels, determined to fit the tiny gem back where it belonged. It finally stuck, trapped in its place and Sirius could hardly contain his joy. Almost greedily he licked the tear. It was cold and ever so slightly tasted of salt and Severus. Sirius pushed the thought from his mind and closed his eyes, waiting with excitement to hear Remus lecturing him.

Slowly he looked around, heart sinking to see the same dirty walls of his hiding place. He swore, twirling the wheels rapidly before licking it again. Still nothing happened. Minutes turned to hours and his frustration turned to despair. He could not get it to work. No matter what he did he was still sitting in a dusty unused closet in Hogwarts, far from home in miles and years.

He vaguely remembered Remus telling him that the turner was broken. A broken time turner made from a broken heart. It was cliché and stupid and so infuriating that Sirius could only laugh. He laughed until he felt his own tears stinging his eyes. He was stuck. His last hope at getting back home had fallen through. He shoved the damaged bit of magic away into a pocket, not wanting to look at it anymore.

The night grew old while he waited for a hunting party to drag out the dirty old man who had been skulking in adolescent boy's room in the dead of night, but no one came looking for him. Partially he was glad, another part just felt empty and sullied. His thoughts kept drifting back to Severus and the way he had left himself open to Sirius' unthinking cruelty. Grimly he knew that he had not truly meant all of the words he had shouted at Snape. With a morbid disgust he realized he had not meant any of them. Snape had been his only companion since arriving, had been his only human contact, and truly Snape was nothing if not human. Pure and simply. Not the worm Sirius had known as a child and not the monster he had known as an adult. Just a boy, unsure and faltering, looking for someone to talk to, some haven from the merciless torments of the other students. Sirius had been that, had coxed Snape into opening up and feeling, just so he could hurt him that much deeper.

Sirius found his four long black legs under him as he started to scour the grounds, his nose going fast enough that he felt almost lightheaded, but he dared not slow down. He had to find Snape, to tell him that he had lied. Snape was much more than an easy shag. So much more.

He found the boy, huddled in on himself and leaning heavily on a tree that straddled the forbidden forest. Sirius thought that perhaps the boy did not see him coming like a shadow over the grayed, melting snow. As a rock whistled by his head, coming so close it stung one of his pert ears, Sirius knew that he had been seen.

"Sod off, Orion!" If there were anymore tears they had long since dried up.

Sirius kept a bit of distance between them, trying to judge how many more stones could be hidden in the sickly grass.

"You bloody bastard. What do you want now?" Another rock fell short, it was far heavier than the last and Sirius began to worry.

He carefully regained his human form, holding his hands out in a gesture of surrender. "Hold your fire." Another rock caught his shin and he limped a few feet back where he hoped he would be out of range. "Please, Severus, just hear me out."

"Don't you dare say my name. Don't you dare talk to me like you know me, like you are my friend." He hefted a rock, taking the time to aim before letting it fly. It fell short.

"Snape, I didn't mean what I said back there. I've got a horrible temper and the words just came out."

"I told you I loved you and you called me a whore." He fumbled in the long weeds finding another stone.

"I could learn to love you, Snape."It was cold outside and he had to fight back the urge to shiver as the wind shifted.

"You could learn to love me?" He dropped the rock and his hands went for his wand, but he had left in such a hurry, only in pajamas and not even shoes, and had not bothered to grab his wand. "I don't want you to _learn_ to love me. I want you to die in a fire."

Sirius braved coming closer, still keeping his hands out. "Snape, I care for you, more than I ever wanted to, more than I thought that I could."

"I wish you never used that damn time turner." He did not look for another rock, just hung his head low.

"This?" Sirius took the cursed bit of magic from his pocket and held it out. "I'm glad that I did."

Severus looked up, his eyes pale and tired, but they softened slightly. "You fixed it?" He whispered, snatching it away. His delicate fingers spun the gears and he slowly looked up. "You fixed it and you're still here?"

"This is where I want to be. I'm sorry… for all of that." He was not used to apologizing, but it felt right and the way that the corners of Severus' lips quirked up ever so slightly made him grin. "Will you stop stoning me… maybe give me another chance?"

"You bloody bastard." He whispered, but it was said with wavering affection. He pulled his willowy arms around Sirius' neck, pulling him down into a kiss.

Sirius could not keep his arms from holding the shivering boy close to him, could not stop himself from returning the soft press of lips with abandon. He figured it must be the relief of the situation, or the fridge cold of the early spring night, but his head felt light and his stomach felt tight. Though he felt a little dizzy he smiled. It wouldn't take much to change his strange fondness of Snape to the same awkward sort of love that he felt for Remus and he did not mind as much as he thought he would.

Slowly opening his eyes he felt disoriented, blinking rapidly at the change of light, at the change of scenery. The white and grey landscape of his school years had given away to the warm, cluttered office of Remus Lupin. The very man himself was standing beside his desk, a concerned expression on his face.

"You alright, mate?" He lightly touched one of the growing dark burses on Sirius's sinewy arms.

"I…" He staggered, dropping the time turner to the floor and followed it down, landing almost painfully on his backside. He rubbed his face, shaking slightly from the cold that lingered in his long limbs. He licked his lips and could still taste the faintest remnant of Snape. "Fuuuuuuu-"

* * *

AN: thanks for all of the lovely reveiws so far. Two mor chapters or so to bring it home


	9. Chapter 9

AN:*ehem* this chapter ended up considerably longer than I had intended. But last chapter I had declared only 3 chapters left, and I'm sticking to my guns because I refuse to write something that just dithers on eternally. So, official apology for the long chapter and a internet highfive to my incredibly awesome bestfriend/roommate/coworker/beta reader (yes all one person) who was kind enough to write Harry, Draco and Molly for me because I have no idea.

and sorry also for the weird vertical ellipses, I needed a way to show time passage.

* * *

"uuuuu-" Sirius could not even finish his exclamation for the way that his head was pounding.

Lupin looked worried, kneeling beside his best friend, gently rubbing his back. "You flickered for a moment, mate… did you get it to work?"

"Whu?" He looked up with bleary eyes that struggled to adjust to the brightly lit office.

"Time turner…" Remus trailed off, thoroughly taking in his friend's disheveled appearance and the way that goose bumps still trailed over his arms where they were chilled despite the warmth of late autumn that came in through an open window. "Bleeding hell, you did." He gently tugged at the scraggly bit of a beard that was still begging for a trim. "How did you get it to work? I've been fiddling with that bit of rubbish for months."

"I-I was the one that broke it." Sirius' voice was distant and strange. "I guess I was the one who had to fix it."

"When did you…?"

"I broke his heart." He cradled his aching head in his hands, feeling like he was in the midst of the worst hangover in the world. "Couldn't get the damn thing to work till I fixed it."

Remus watched the shaken man beside him, the way that he was bruised and dirty. The old werewolf spoke carefully and by the way he held himself so still and almost hostile, Sirius knew that his friend knew something was amiss. "How long were you gone, mate?"

"Almost two months." Sirius closed his eyes tightly, not wanting to see the face that matched the unusually stern voice.

"What did you do?" But what he meant was 'what have you done?' his voice harsh and accusing. He understood the ramifications of meddling in the past far better than Sirius seemed to.

"Nothing. I didn't do a damn thing." His blood was pounding in his ears and all he could think about was how empty his arms felt without Severus.

Remus pursed his lips, breathing slowly through his nose. Calming quickly he only nodded. "You look completely knackered. I'll help you home and we can talk about this after you sleep it off."

They walked mutely and uncomfortably to the floo network, Sirius leaning heavily on his friend… _on his boyfriend_. It had been a long and arduous journey and his mind seemed to have strayed far from what was supposed to be important and he found it difficult to put the title to the man holding him upright.

Sirius was left in bed, Remus taking the time to carefully pull his worn boots off, even making light jokes about there not being showers in the past and how much Sirius could benefit from a long scrub. His smile was a little strained, his warm eyes concerned despite how much he tried to hide it. He stood in their messy bedroom, looking out of place and a bit lost. Eventually he decided against leaving his ailing friend unattended. Kicking off his own shoes he clamored into bed beside Sirius and just stayed close.

"It will be ok, Padfoot." He trailed his lips over Sirius' furrowed brow. "Whatever happened is over now and you're back home."

Sirius only grunted softly in reply, lightly throwing an arm over his eyes to block out the afternoon sun.

"You know, I don't think I've seen you this out of sorts since that time you drank those 6 pints of lager." He was smiling softly at the memory. "You remember that night at all? It was right after graduation and you were so sloshed you confessed your undying love for me and I laughed you off… You looked like this the next day."

Sirius smiled slightly. He did not remember the night in question but considering the amount of alcohol he had consumed it was not surprising. James had teased him about it for weeks afterwards though.

"And this can't be half as bad, yeah? You came back safe and it's not like you told anyone you loved them this time." Lupin laughed softly.

Sirius' smile vanished.

Lupin stopped laughing.

They lay side by side in silence, their measured breaths the only sounds in the whole house. In due time the awkwardness grew too thick, too stifling to stand any longer, and Remus rose from the bed. "I'm going to go put the kettle on and then head back to work. I've got a lot of paperwork to do tonight, I'm not sure when I'll get back."

Sirius was left alone with his thoughts, a cold line running down his left side where Remus had vacated. He could not tell which was worse, botching things with Remus so flawlessly or leaving Severus alone by the forbidden forest twenty years in the past.

In a valiant attempt to mend things between himself and his housemate, Sirius made himself get up, get cleaned and move on. Things were strained between him and Remus, but to his credit, the werewolf did not ask who the other person had been, it was obvious that the thought hurt him but the knowledge might hurt even more and so they avoided the subject as much as possible. Sirius did tell him vaguely of his adventures, of being back at Hogwarts and trying his hardest to avoid people that he knew and how much of a complete prat his younger self had been.

Things seemed to settle back into place and life was almost able to return to normal. Almost. Sirius did everything he could to avoid it, but when him and Remus kissed he felt guilt weighing heavily in the pit of his stomach. Some of it must have shown on his face because the kisses became somewhat infrequent as did their late night fumbles. They did not stop all together, as both men had needs and still cared for one another, but the whole thing tended to be done and over with hastily and Remus would roll over and feign sleep to avoid any post coital conversations or cuddles.

Sirius knew it was his fault. He had cheated on Remus, even if Remus was unaware as to the extent, it had still happened. The whole incident felt like a dream, a vivid and clear dream that he still thought about a hundred times a day. Had he really started to fancy Snape? Had he really only waited a day before getting into bed with him? The fact that he had thought it was a dream at the time seemed to pale in comparison to the gravity that the boy in question had been basically that, a boy. Snape had been sixteen. Sirius was haunted by that thought many nights while he lay sleepless beside Remus. The only consolation was that Snape was dead. It was the only thing that kept him from confessing the whole thing to Remus and begging for forgiveness for being such an unfaithful git. He was almost able to pretend that it never happened, despite the odd ways that he missed the dark haired boy.

His well meaning plans almost worked until one night, in the midst of an oddly passionate moment he breathed the wrong name and the world came undone shortly afterwards.

Remus pushed Sirius off of him, eyes alight with lust and confusion. His voice was already trembling when he spoke. "Excuse me?"

Sirius, still groggy with unspent tension looked dazed. "What's wrong?"

"You called me Severus." He was trying to calm down, to slow his labored breathing despite their still awkward position.

"No I didn't." Sirius replied quickly, far too quickly.

"Sirius, you… you smooth bastard. Tell me you didn't."

"I didn't call you Severus." He said firmly, knowing full well that even if he had not intended to, his mind had been drifting in those sorts of directions despite his best efforts to the contrary.

Remus hit him, the slap unusually loud and startling them both. Sirius lay propped up on his elbows looking somewhat stunned, but Remus had the situation well in hand. "When you… the time turner… it-you… with Snape?" 'In hand' meaning he could still yell, just not make coherent sentences. "Sod off you lying wanker." He hit him again, harder this time and Sirius sat up fully, rubbing his cheek. "This whole time I thought you had gone back and shagged yourself." He sat up also, hastily pulling the discarded blankets around him to cover his nakedness. "You're a right randy bastard and I just decided to let it go. But Snape?"

Sirius grasped for words, for some of the smooth lines that he had used for years to ease the well aimed anger, but he had nothing other than, "I thought I was dreaming the first few times… so it wasn't like I was really cheating."

"You thought you were dreaming… the first _few_? So you went off and shagged Snape? Snape! You are the most, the worse… I can't even look at you right now, you lying hypocrite."

"I didn't lie to you." It was all happening so fast, his life unraveling with each word from Remus' lips.

"You didn't bleeding tell me the truth either, Sirius. You had sex with Snape for two months and didn't tell me."

"We didn't do it every night-" he stopped quickly, knowing that that train would not take him any place good.

Remus' face was reddened and his lips tight. "Get out." His voice was soft but firm.

"Remy, I-"

"Get the hell out." He pointed, voice still damningly calm.

Sirius had never seen his best mate so angry. He quickly get off the bed, pulling his pants on, grabbing shoes and a sweater, and dressing clumsily as he retreated down the stairs and out of the house. Half way down the street he realized he had just been kicked out of his own home and had absolutely nowhere to go.

.

.

Sirius tried to think of a place to stay and only one place came to mind. Harry's place. His godson would take him in. Grimly he made his way to Harry's home, knocking softly on the door as it was the middle of the night. Shortly a strange woman answered the door, old and wrinkled and tired.

"What do you want, young man?"

"I… are you Harry's house keeper?" He did not recognize the old bird in the slightest.

"You've got the wrong house, sonny." She slammed the door in his face and Sirius wondered why god hated him. So it was that he made his way, cold and disheartened to the Burrow, because if nothing else the Weasley's should know why Harry had moved house and not told him.

Sirius knocked on the door, hoping that somehow they hadn't moved also. To his relief Molly answered, her warm face a welcome sight. "Molly, thank God. Do you know where Harry is?"

"Harry?" She noticed the pathetic desperation in his face and instantly began to fret. "What happened?"

Sirius shifted from one foot to the other awkwardly. "Remus sort of...kicked me out, I just…" He shook his head. "I just was going to go spend some time with Harry and apparently he moved house recently and forgot to tell me where he went."

After a long pause of befuddled silence, Molly invited the poor man in. "Sirius, dear, are you feeling quite well? Would you like a spot of tea?"

"I'm fine, Molly. It's just been a long night. Do you know where Harry and Ginny moved to?"

She shook her head sympathetically, wondering if Sirius had resorted to drinking after being given the boot. "Harry moved in with Malfoy, remember? Are you sure you wouldn't like something to clear your head? Some ovaltine… perhaps?"

"No… thank you… Malfoy?" He frowned deeply. "Are you sure?"

She sighed quietly to herself. "It was a bit of a shock, but yes, I am quite sure. If I'm not mistaken, Albus was going over tonight for a play date. Harry should be there."

"…Can I use you're floo?"

"Of course." She moved out of the way to allow him to pass into the living room where the mantel was waiting. "Are you sure you don't want anything to drink first? Have you had anything to eat yet?"

"Molly, unless you have some fire whisky, I'm fine." He moved into the fire place, not waiting to see if she would offer him any. "Thanks anyways."

.

.

Outside, Albus and Scorpius zoomed over the quidditch field Draco had given his son for his last birthday on their brand new Nimbus 3000s. Their fathers, opting not to join them in the game, remained in the shelter of the master balcony. They peacefully stood, watching the children at play and enjoying a warm evening wine when Darling, the house elf, interrupted their quiet evening with the announcement of a guest. Much to Harry's surprise, the guest did not wait for the announcement to finish properly.

Sirius came out onto the balcony, his shaggy head shaking. "Molly wasn't lying… you really are shaking up with Malfoy?"

"Shaking up?" Draco, being the proper pure-blood that he was, was entirely unfamiliar with the phrase.

Harry, on the other hand, was more confused that this was news to his God father. "I have been for some time now… are you alright?"

Sirius blinked, scratching his chin. "I… I'm having a right awful night. Remus gave me the boot and I was hoping I could stay with you until he calms down a bit." He wasn't entirely comfortable sharing his personal life with Malfoy, but he also found he didn't care in light of the nights events. There were more important things than being judged harshly by a slimy git that was somehow now friends with his godson.

Malfoy could barely suppress his cruel and satisfied laughter. "So you two finally broke up, eh? Good for him."

"Of course you can stay."

"Harry." Draco sighed, seeming to already know that it was a losing argument on his part.

"He needs a place, and it won't last forever. I'm sure he'll mend it up with Remus in no time. Right, Sirius?" Harry looked to his godfather, fully expecting him to agree.

"I'm not sure Harry, I buggered it up real bad this time… but he is in my house, he might let me have it back eventually if he doesn't burn it down." It was a sad truth to admit, but if Remus had been the one to cheat on him with Snape, Sirius would have kicked him out and set their house on fire out of spite.

Harry looked a bit surprised by the response. Draco only looked increasingly annoyed. With one long, very audible and agitated sigh, Draco relented to allowing Black stay in one of the far away wings of the manor where he wouldn't have to look at him every morning.

"And make sure he baths before he touches anything." He added with a snide wrinkle of his nose.

"Yes, sir." Harry grinned before hurrying Sirius out of the Master bedroom. Once they were out of Draco's earshot, Harry was all curiosity. "So what happened?"

Sirius head was starting to hurt. It really had been a long day and he was not so dirty that he needed to bathe before touching anything, but he supposed it was really all he could expect from a Malfoy. "Me and Remus had a bit of a fight… sort of thing. Just… you know. You're married. I'm sure you and Ginny have had plenty of fights, else you wouldn't be bunking with that albino prat in the other room, right?"

Harry stopped cold in his tracks and starred at Sirius for a long, long time before responding. "No, Sirius… I'm with Draco now. Don't you remember? I'm divorced… and gay?"

Sirius stared blankly back at his godson. Sure, there had been a long span of years in which Sirius had been dead, but when he came back the war had ended and Harry had grown up, married the youngest Weasley, and had a lovely little son. Then he realized what Harry was doing and laughed, patting his back. "Good one, Harry. I needed the laugh." Despite his dower mood, he couldn't help but smile at the absurdness of it all. Harry dating Draco, what rubbish.

"No. Sirius, I'm being si – I mean I mean it. Look, Draco and I are together now. We've been through all this." His eyes looked over him for a moment, all the powers of Harry Potter, Head Auror hard at work trying to figure out what was really going on. "You don't _smell_ like you've been drinking… "

"I haven't been bloody drinking anything. Has everyone gone mad?" He grumbled, rubbing his eyes. Harry divorced? Surly that is the sort of thing that you tell you're godfather about. So why was it new to him? A slow thought was dawning. He remembered reading about such things back when he had been trapped in Hogwarts and was trying to research the time turner. It had warned about altering things in the past, how they could have horrific ramifications on the future. Sirius looked at Harry, the weight of what he had somehow done sinking in. "God, I made you gay… with Malfoy. I'm so sorry Harry."

"What?" The whole situation was just too much. "The hell? How could you – " Harry couldn't have kept himself form laughing if he tried. A second ago he had been getting angry at Sirius for pushing the whole gay-with-Draco issue, but now, it was obvious the man was suffering from some kind of strange post broke-up-with-my-boyfriend trauma. "Nobody _made_ me gay. No need to feel guilty about it, mate."

"I did somehow. Back at school, I had a fling with Snape… and now you're gay." He was somewhat relieved that Harry could take his new orientation so lightheartedly, but Sirius knew that someone was to blame and he knew who it was.

"You had a fling… with Snape?… Are you sure you're alright? Did Lupin hit you with something or what?"

Sirius found a chair to sit on, despite the fact that he had yet to bathe as per Draco's request. "He did slap me… twice. But that was after he found out." He ran his hands through his hair. "I was stupid, Harry. I shouldn't have done it, even if it was twenty years ago … I shouldn't have kept it from Remus. I've really bollocked the whole thing up." He sighed deeply again, rubbing at his face as if it could wake him up and everything would be normal and fine again. "The damn only consolation in this whole mess is that Snape's dead, ya know?"

"Ummmm… As long as by dead you mean in the back yard –"

"What do you mean, in the backyard?" Sirius looked up, shaken and not meaning to shout. "He died in the war, Harry, three years after I did."

"– I think you need a little more than just a good night's sleep. Maybe we should head over to St. Mungo's in the morning … just in case." Harry was becoming more and more concerned about his seemingly very confused Godfather.

Sirius stood. "Harry, what do you mean 'in the backyard'?" He had a sinking sort of feeling. Something was wrong. Something was very, very wrong.

"I think you should go to bed now. We can talk about it in the morning."

"Harry, this is serious." He took him by the shoulders leaning down so they could see each other eye to eye. "Is Severus Snape alive… in your backyard?"

He wasn't sure if he should answer or not. Though he would never admit it, Sirius was beginning to scare him, if only just a little. "…yes."

Sirius let go of his godson and sank back into his chair. His hands were starting to shake ever so slightly and he clasped them together to hide the tremor. "Harry," his voice was strained, "I think I do need to sleep. I need a tall glass of something strong and to go to sleep."

Harry nodded slowly and solemnly, and called for Darling to bring them two tall glasses of fire whiskey. The elixir burned something fierce, but the pain was somewhat of a relief and Sirius did not lower the glass from his lips until he drained every last drop. The familiar warmth did not bring as much comfort as normal, but it helped to dampen the trauma of Remus hating him and the shock of Snape still being alive. Everything had not changed by him going back in time and saving Snape, just little things. Just little, earth shattering, life altering, relationship ruining, things.

His legs slightly unsteady, his mind hazy as if stuffed with cotton, Sirius stood and made his way with Harry's help to a spare room. Sleep finally claimed him around the time that the winter sunlight started to spill over the window ledge, but it was not a restful sleep despite the second glass of fire whisky. His dreams were plagued by a dark haired boy with a brooding eyes and a cruel mouth.

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PS, AN: if anyone just had the T_T face at seeing Draco and Harry as a couple (not my personal cup of tea, but) I would like to refer you back to username:Snapeathy (aka: my beta and lovely assistant's) story **'Drarry and the holidays**'

Because yes we are sad enough that we tied in our two stories (I personally blame all the ice cream sandwiches at work for our sudden overabundance of energy)


	10. Chapter 10

AN: ah, I was going to try and get this and the last chapter both done this weekend... and I didn't. So just one chapter for yall and I will try and get the end done as soon as I think of what it will be.

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It took more convincing than Sirius really had the energy for, to talk Harry out of taking him in to St. Mungo's, but in the end he was able to promise to sleep a bit more and drink a bit less in exchange for not being admitted. The shock of Snape being alive and Remus giving him the boot had lessened after a long rest, or perhaps it just was not as important as his pounding headache caused by his drinking the night before. He drank a bit more, despite his promise to Harry, to lessen the brunt of the pain, then drank just a straight pint of water and wondered out to the back of Malfoy manner, hoping that the crisp November air would help to right his tormented mind.

It had been a particularly hot summer, most of England had been left dry and brown despite the few cool rain showers that came trailing at the beginning of the holiday seasons. The Malfoy's mansion showed no sign of being tempered by the rest of the weather that had damaged the country and their lawns were nothing if not lush and verdant. Sirius found a stone bench that was nestled between two large topiaries that resembled fat, sleeping dragons.

Albus and Scorpius were running around out on the grounds, shouting and throwing things at each other in the way that young boys often did. Sirius recognized Albus and though he had never formally met Scorpius there was no questioning the cast of his aristocratic face or his platinum hair.

Sirius set his elbows on his knees and his face in his hands, resting his eyes and head. The fresh air was helping a bit, but with the hangover wearing off the magnitude of his circumstances began to feel somewhat inescapable. He didn't know if he should seek out Snape, he had no idea what he would say to him if they were to talk. And what would Remus say if he found out that Sirius had been talking to Snape? It was a mess and where as Sirius was quite practiced at getting out of worse troubles, his current one seemed to have no possible outcomes that didn't leave him down one man and regretting everything he had done.

Someone settled down on the bench beside him and Sirius breathed slowly though his nose before peeking out from between his fingers. He had expected Harry to be beside him, looking concerned and helpful, Sirius had even prepared another 'I promise I'm fine' speeches. There was no way, not even if he tried his hardest, that Sirius could pretend that the man beside him was Harry.

"Black."

"Se-Snape." Sirius replied softly, not willing to draw his hands away from his face and thus muffling his voice slightly into his palms.

"Draco said that you are convalescing here for the time being."

Sirius bridged his fingers over his nose, blinking the lingering sleep from his eyes. Snape was so calm and casual, so oddly handsome. Sirius remembered what Snape had looked like when they had occasionally been forced near each other while the order of the phoenix had been hiding out in Grimmauld Place. Snape had been pale, drawn, thin and greasy with dark rimmed eyes. That shadow of a man was only a whisper of a memory, pushed aside by the Snape that now sat with him. His alabaster skin was as perfect and clean as fresh snow and his dark hair fell in loose waves over the collar of his light winter coat and partially over his bright, intelligent eyes that did not look to Sirius but were caught up in the activities of the children on the other end of the sweeping yard. He was the man grown from the awkwardly beautiful boy that Sirius had spent months with.

"If you keep staring like that people might begin to wonder about you." Snape looked at Sirius from the corner of his eye. "You might also want to reconsider whisky as a meal substitute." He wrinkled his hawk like nose in distaste. "It's really little wonder that Lupin would finally kick you out. Honestly it's a bit of a shock he didn't do it earlier."

Articulating the best that his stunned mind could, Sirius grunted softly in acknowledgment. Snape rolled his eyes ever so slightly and resumed his observations of the children. "You," he was able to get out, surprised that his lips had started working, "you don't recognize me?"

Snape slowly turned and raised one thick brow. "I do believe that Harry was right in his assessment, perhaps a trip to St. Mungo's would not be a bad idea." He shook his head. "Either dying or being a lush does not agree with your mental state. If you are not Black, I feel sorry for the poor sod that is, because he undoubtedly is in worse a state than you."

By some whim of luck, or the passing of two decade, Snape did not seem to remember Sirius as the man who had deflowered him almost a lifetime ago. Sirius did not know if he should be relieved or upset. It had been a pivotal time in his own life, those months together had changed and ruined everything for him. By the confidant and healthy way that Snape held himself, he had obviously benefited from and moved on from the whole event.

Sirius' headache had started to return and he pressed his palms over his eyes, hoping to push the throbbing away.

"_Are_ you feeling alright?" Snape asked with only the slightest hint of concern in his voice that Sirius almost missed.

Sirius sat up, rubbing his face and roughly running his hands through his hair. "Yeah, mate. I'm fine. It's just been a long day."

Snape raised a quizzical eyebrow at 'mate' but said nothing, only nodded as if the answer was satisfactory and stood. He left Sirius alone on the bench and made his way to the laughing boys, and much to Sirius' surprise, joined their game. Not that the older man did any jumping or throwing, but he did chase them and they seemed pleased with the playmate.

The darkly clothed man did not return to the bench, he did not turn and suddenly yell 'you', he did not give a second glance to his childhood enemy. Why would he?

Sirius went back inside the mansion to the room that he had been assigned. He needed time to think of a good apology for Remus. He dimly was aware that Snape brushing him off so casually did hurt. Sirius didn't know what he had wanted from the man, but he thought a punch in the nose or a hug would have been nice. Some acknowledgment that their time together had meant something.

He stopped in the hall, disturbed by his own train of thought. He was acting like a scorned little girl. He hadn't been in love with Snape, he reminded himself. And if it was so easy for the old potions professor to get over his first love, it should be no problem at all for Sirius to do the same.

.

.

Although Draco protested frequently, Sirius stayed in the Malfoy's home. He considered going elsewhere, mostly because of Snape's presence, but Harry had assured him that the man did not actually live in their house, but was only coming over to visit his godsons. So Sirius stayed and hid in his room and felt sorry for himself.

Harry, to his credit, gave his friend time to mope and lay around feeling pathetic, but after a few weeks without Sirius sending so much as an owl to Remus, he felt it might be needed to have a small talk with him. Sirius and Remus had fought before, as was common for old friends (or lovers for that matter) but usually after a few days they would be back together and smiling. There was no way that Harry could bring himself to buy the line about Sirius having a 'fling' with Snape when they were kids as the reason for the moping. Something else was going on, something else had happened between the two men and Harry meant to find out what it was so that they could all just move on.

He quietly knocked on the door to Sirius' quarters before he opened it and let himself in. Althought the room had remained relativly tidy, it looked to be mostly on account of the lack of things that he had brought with him, but the blankets on the bed were rumpled and the distinct smell of a less than clean Sirius Black seemed to have soaken into the verry walls and carpet. Draco would not be pleased. "You awake?"

Sirius lay sprawled on his bed as if he hadnt a single care in the world, despite it beign the opposite of how he really felt. He gave Harry a small, careful smile. "Yeah. Come on in."

Harry closed the door behind him before tossing one of the other man's legs aside so he could sit on the edge of the bed. "I was hopping we could have a bit of a talk."

The words raised a vauge panic in the older man, but he fought it down. "Sure, Harry. You need _man_ advice, things between you and Draco not running smoothly?"

"Things are just fine with me… it's you I'm worried about. You've barely left your room since you got here, and you're not exactly acting… normal. Not even for you." He tried to smile to ease off some of the tension in the room, but it just came out crooked and funny looking, and not at all genuine.

Sirius smiled more openly, used to faking the feeling. "I'm fine, just resting, you know?"

"Liar." His fake smile disappeared and was replaced with a look of concern. "I know it might be weird talking to me about these kind of things, but really, at this point, we're almost the same age. I just, if you wanted to talk to someone, I just wanted you to know that I'd be open to lending you an ear."

Sirius sighed softly and put an arm over his eyes. "I'm just waiting for Remus to cool down a bit. It's just going to take longer than normal because I made him so much madder than normal. Don't worry so much."

"Alright, alright, but just so you know, Draco's given you a time limit to get over this. So, you know, get a move on it."

"A time limit?" Sirius scratched at his healthy stubble that had been growing unheeded for days. "I guess I should make some apologies, one for Remus and one for Severus." It might not have been necessary to make amends with Snape, but he knew that he wasn't going to be able to move on past his guilty conscious until he did.

"Snape? What'd you do to him?" Then a mental image stopped Harry before he could get too curious. "On second thought, never mind. I don't think I want to know." He stood and made his way to the door. "Oh, and you're welcome to join the family for dinner tonight if you want."

Sirius chuckled at how quickly Harry fled from the idea. "Yeah, I'll be there."

"Good." He gave him a funny sort of smile before closing the door and leaving Sirius to his thoughts. "So will Lupin."

.

.

Sirius changed into clean clothes that Darling brought him after his shower. They certainly weren't his clothes, but the jeans and ugly knit sweater fit well enough. He was pleased to see such a lovely meal spread out over the long banquet table, even though he knew that the three adults and two children could not possibly eat so much food. Sitting far from the head of the table, he settled in, waiting for the others to arrive and almost enjoying the feel of a real meal in place of the small snacks he normally took alone in his room.

Draco came in with Scorpius and did his best not to look surprised to see Sirius sitting at his dining room table. "I was hoping you would have turned down Harry's invitation."

Not able to hold back his grin, Sirius leaned forward. "I thought I would be kind and grace you with my presence for one night."

"I'm sure he couldn't have done anything bad enough to merit such a punishment." Snape had entered the dining room behind Sirius.

"Ah, Snape, joining us for dinner then?"

"It helps to cut back on my grocery bills." He replied softly before sitting beside his godson and sharing a soft smile with the boy.

Sirius debated fleeing the room, but he was a man, and men did not run away from their problems.

"I'm starting to think you don't like me, Harry."

Sirius literally leapt from his chair at the sound of Remus' voice from the doorway. The old werewolf, Albus and Harry stood there, both adults looking awkwardly between the stunned looking Sirius and an unimpressed Snape.

"Remus…" Sirius took a step towards him but stopped himself.

"Sirius." He said cordially before sitting as far from him and Snape as he could manage. "Harry failed to mention that you were staying with him."

"It's not the only thing he forgot to tell someone." Sirius gave Harry a meaningful look before lowering himself back into his chair.

Harry had the grace to look sheepish before taking his place beside Draco. "Someone had to do something."

Malfoy sadly shook his head before dipping into his dish of caviar. "I told you not to get involved."

The meal began and ended in awkward silence, the whole time, Sirius hoping that the ground would swallow him whole. Remus did not look at him once, not that he noticed in any case, neither did Snape.

At least that is what Sirius assumed until suddenly Snape set his glass down loudly, and stood, one long boney finger pointing accusingly at Sirius. "You, outside, right now." His voice was strangely quiet and truly the most terrifying thing that Sirius could remember ever hearing.

Slowly standing, not willing to risk a look at Remus for fear of what he might see in the other man's face, Sirius nodded and left the dining room. He moved further than just the hall outside, not waiting to see if Snape followed, he could hear the man's footsteps loudly on the polished marble.

Sirius made it all the way to the back patio, not positive that that was what Snape meant when he said 'outside' but wanting to be as far out of earshot as possible, before Snape said a word.

"It was you?" His voice was harsh and accusing, strained from the effort to remain composed and calm. "All this time…" then something in the man broke and his words became nothing more than an inarticulate sound of anger.

Sirius turned around quickly, his mind screaming at him to be on guard. All that he saw were thin hands, curled into talons coming for his neck. Snape lunged, throttling Sirius to the ground and landing heavily atop him, knees digging into his thigh and hip, hands finding his throat as he started to shake him. Sirius' head cracked painfully against the tiles leaving him too stunned to puzzle out the rage filled words that were being shouted at him.

Not truly gaining a grasp on the danger he was in, Black went from being concerned to defensive, his instincts taking over his movements. As Snape drew him up to slam him down again Sirius swung the full force of his strength into the upward momentum and rammed his head into the long equestrian nose above him. Snape released him immediately, reeling away and clutching his hands to his face to stop the flow of blood that trickled darkly over his lips.

Snape sat back breathing moistly and glairing through a tangle of hair that had fallen over his eyes. He seemed calmer but still somewhat livid and Sirius quickly scooted away.

"You-you sneaking, lying bastard." His voice was stiff and full of indignant anger. "All those years ago… that was you?"

"In my defense, Severus, I thought it was a dream."

"Don't you dare, don't you dare call me by my name." He gingerly wiped his nose on a sleeve, wincing slightly at the touch. "You ruined everything."

"You seem like you're ok to me-"

"Everything!" Snape growled, for a moment losing his composure before breathing deeply and trying to force calm back on himself. "A dream? You- a dream?" He kicked out at Sirius with one his long legs.

"I accidently time traveled… it's a long sort of story. Damn it, Snape. Stop kicking me." Sirius stumbled to his feet, retreating further back and rubbing his shins.

"You accidently … time traveled and made me…" He slowly stood. "There is a point in which these childish pranks of yours can be taken too far."

"It wasn't a prank, Severus." Sirius pleaded, ducking quickly to avoid a well aimed punch that took him on the gentlest curve of his jaw just below his ear.

"Wasn't a prank? So what, you found a way to come back, found a time turner and came back to me, shagged me, convinced me you were in love with me and left, on accident?"

"Of course it was on accident. Merlin's beard! I didn't want to fall for you. That was the last thing that I wanted…" The look on Snape's face made Sirius halt his line of rambling for fear of another punch. Hastily he went for a different approach. "But, Snape-Severus, I did." He bravely put a hand on either of Snape's rage trembling shoulders. "And the past three months I've been back here, without you, have been the most miserable of my life ever… Azkaban included." He didn't know if it shocked him more that the words were true or that he found himself kissing Snape.

Snape was less then amused, still filled with self righteous indignation, he could not believe that anyone, not even Sirius could have the audacity to kiss him after all that he had done. Pushing roughly against the man that was holding him so tenderly, Snape sought to escape the velvety lips that had captured his own. But the more that he struggled against the warmth, the more the memories of his 'Orion' holding him, kissing him, touching him, came flooding back. He still hated Sirius Black, hated him with every fiber of his being, but at the same time, he had never truly gotten over his first love. Hesitantly he relented to the pleading kisses, parting his lips just enough to allow Sirius to taste him slowly.

"Severus, I'm… I didn't mean to leave you." Sirius cradled the other man's face in his hands as he slowly kissed the tip of his long perfectly crooked nose.

Snape's eyes had softened, lidded slightly with contentment and something slightly more carnal. He said not a word, simply drawing his knee sharply up into the most sensitive part of the man holding him.

Letting out a startled whimper of pain, Sirius staggered backwards, clutching at himself and breathing sharply through his teeth. "Bleeding hell, Snape." He whispered through the sharp pain that seemed to pierce him to his core. He managed to look up through his watering eyes to see Snape walking away, leaving him alone and feeling as if his world had just ended.


	11. Chapter 11

AN: Alright, my lovlies. We've made it to the end. It's a strange sort of ending, I will admit, but after much figting/talking to my beta, we came to the conclusion that this would be the only proper way to end it.

Thanks

* * *

Snape walked with a purpose, far and quickly from Sirius. Despite the almost wanton need to go back to him, back to those waiting arms, he could not allow himself such a childlike desire. Orion had been the first person he had ever given himself to, mostly because he had been there in a moment of weakness, but also because as soon as Snape had looked into his smoky eyes, he knew that the other man had seen the pain of the world, had known the torments of life, just as Snape had. Looking back to those endless weeks together he did not know how he could have been so foolish, so completely senseless to fall for a man like Orion, a man like Sirius Black.

He made his way to the front door, determined to walk in the cold night air and clear his mind before apparating home and attempting to drink away the lingering, musky taste on his lips. He would have been lying if he said that he was not surprised to see Lupin out on the front walk, slowly trampling the frost kissed grass.

Lupin turned at the sound of another out in the otherwise silent night. "Snape." He voice was careful, calm, almost covering the sorrow in his pale eyes. "Are you going home already?"

Snape nodded, slowing his pace to match the other man's.

"Alone?" Remus almost sounded confused by his own question.

"Of course 'alone'." He huffed softly, tucking the collar of his shirt up against the cold.

A flicker of what might have been hope passed over Remus' face before he nodded, looking up at the star strung sky. "Forgive me, Snape. I don't know what I was thinking."

Snape raised one quizzical brown and frowned. "You thought that I was going to take that harry lout home with me. I don't know what you see in him, but he's your problem, not mine."

"He's not mine anymore either." Remus dug his hands into his pockets, dragging his feet slightly.

Snape watched the man from the corner of his eye. It was obvious that he was hurting, that he missed his mangy companion fiercely. "I had heard that you finally booted him out. I don't know what you saw in him in the first place, but you are better off without the smarmy git."

"You surprise me, Severus." He finally looked back over, a ghost of his previous pain still glinting in his eyes. "I just assumed, if you will forgive me, that with how Sirius felt about you.. you would…" He trailed off, pursing his lips, not able to finish the thought.

Snape had heard the slight hitch in Remus' voice. Even if he said that he was surprised at Snape's reaction, it was truly Snape that was the one baffled by the evening's revelations. He knew that the two old school friends had moved in together, knew that they dated, but he had had no idea that Remus cared so deeply, that he would hurt enough to show even a fraction of his pain to a man like Snape. Lupin was a good man, even he could admit that, and most likely deserved someone more loyal and fidelities than a man like Black. But it was apparent that not everyone was as smart about such things as himself. He had heard talk, more than he had wanted to, but Remus and Sirius had truly been happy together even as idiotic as it sounded.

Shaking a bit of hair from his eyes, Snape managed a convincing, bitter laugh. He had made up his mind. "He didn't tell you what happened all those years ago, did he?" Remus frowned slightly, the corners of his lips turning down as he shook his head. Severus continued, "I didn't know who he was when I first saw him as a great stinking dog, hiding in the Slytherin common room. I can only assume now that he thought that to be the best place to keep out of sight from you and your group of friends." He managed to keep the distain to a minimum. "It wasn't until I accidently saw him as a man that I decided he must be a relation of Sirius, an older brother or cousin of sorts as they had a somewhat unmistakable familial resemblance. I knew I had found a way to really get back at Black for all those years at Hogwarts."

Remus was watching him with an unreadable expression, but he said nothing and Snape did not know if the other man was believing a single lie out of his mouth.

"I cast a love spell on the man I thought was Black's older brother. The thought of Black having to deal with one of his family arse over elbow in love with me, it was worth the lack of ethics."

A slow understanding crossed over the shorter man's face and his frown deepened. "Love spell?"

"A bit more carnal than that, but I was young and-" He waved it off, they both knew what he meant.

"Then, you and him…" For the first time, Remus let a hint of hope into his words.

"God no. I think you're the only one who could ever love an ass like him." Snape mentality congratulated himself on how convincing his voice sounded. "Problematically, he vanished before I could take the spell off."

Remus was smiling now, a secret and small, but truly beautiful smile. Snape felt as if he had been hollowed out and filled with nails, but the smile almost made it worth it.

Snape stopped walking, turning back to the house and inclining his head to Lupin. "Go home, I've got some things to do and I will send your worthless prat back along with this month's batch of wolfs bane."

Lightly touching Snape's arm, Remus sighed softly. "I've been so… oh, I don't know. I guess I'm just getting old and foolish."

"We all are." Snape assured him softy.

It was not hard to find Sirius, as he had not moved far from where Snape had left him.

"Snape?" Sirius said cautiously, the memory of his recent pain not quiet faded.

He gave no reply, instead catching the startled looking man by the shoulders and pulling him down into a kiss that was a heated accumulation of every kiss that Snape had never been able to give him. Their noses brushed as they sought a more adventitious inclination and the startling pain was enough to slightly pull Severus back to the matter at hand. He turned his head away, breathing in the scent that was unmistakably Sirius and the faint coppery undertone from the blood that had dried at the base of his nose after being violently head butted not long ago.

Snape meant to speak, but he was too confused by the wall at his back that seemed to have materialized and the way that Sirius' lips felt on the conjunction on his neck and shoulder, to really form any poignant sentences. He let his eyes close. No, it was not what he had come back for; the first kiss had been the only thing that he wanted before telling the man off for good, but it was not all bad either. Though it had been years for him, it had only been months for Sirius and the man's mouth did not seem to have forgotten exactly where to go to weaken Snape's knees to the point that he could hardly hold himself up. Somewhat weakly, he pushed at Sirius' broad shoulders. "Enough."

In a strangely obedient mood, Sirius halted his slow kisses, letting his teeth graze Snape's softly sloping collar bone before standing straight. "Sorry… I just missed you." His grin would have been sheepish if not for the way he showed so many teeth in such a hungry fashion.

Even though he could feel the slightest bit of a shameful blush warming his cheeks, Snape found the courage to scowl. "Well, I didn't miss you, Black."

"I-I don't understand." Sirius' grin wilted slightly.

"I miss Orion. I loved him, I still-" He shook his head. "No matter how much I cared for him, I will always hate you _so_ much more."

"But he was me." Sirius tightened his arms around Snape, confused and annoyed.

"He was you now, but you will always be the bastard I knew back at Hogwarts." Snape unsteadily removed himself from the warm embrace and held his head high. "Do you love Remus?"

Confused at the sudden change in subject and still at a lost as to what Snape was getting at, he paused for a moment before answering. "Always."

"I honestly expected you to lie." Snape straightened his clothes, awkwardly re-buttoning the first two buttons on his shirt. "But this makes it easier."

"I want _you, _Severus." Sirius assured him.

"You want a confused, lost little boy that has long since grown up and moved on." Snape responded coldly even though it hurt him to say it.

"I love you."

Snape turned slowly, meeting the stormy grey eyes with his own. Damn everything, but he believed him. Reluctantly, Snape reached out to touch one of the stubbled cheeks. He kissed him again, not as hungry as before, but slowly, hopelessly, feeling the other man's breath on his face and his hands tentatively holding his narrow waist. He pulled back ever so slightly, still letting their lips touch, whispering the words of the spell he had come in with. It did not undo any love spell, because none had ever been cast, but it pulled apart Sirius' memories, separated them delicately enough that Snape was able to see what he needed to do. Carefully he pulled away the memories he needed, replacing them with an easier reality that both Sirius and Remus could live with, could smile through. He stepped back from Sirius, pulling a small vile from an inner pocket that he kept for odd emergencies such as the one he found himself in, and poured Sirius' memories of them together into the petite glass container.

Sirius looked drunk for a lingering heartbeat, as his mind struggled to come to terms with such a great change. As his eyes opened fully and he took in his oddly close proximity to Snape, he scowled, shaking himself as if waking from a deep sleep and backing away.

"Bleeding hell, Snape. Don't stand so close." He walked around him, off down the hall to find his coat and return home, mumbling to himself words like 'tosser' and 'right, creepy old git'.

Snape watched him go, quietly, swallowing down the odd lump he felt in his throat. They deserved each other, Remus and Sirius, he reminded himself before apparating home. He walked alone to his study, feeling the cold emptiness of his house oddly oppressive. With the gentlest hand possible he set the small warm vile on one of the highest shelves in the room, before standing back to look at it.

He would take it down from time to time over the years to dust it, smiling softly at its warm comforting glow. He had loved once, and every so often he allowed himself to remember that at one point, someone had loved him in return.


End file.
